


You Could Never Hurt Me

by Gigglemite



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi is perfect, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Bokuto is the best, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Give akaashi a break, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, It's bad, Kozume Kenma is Bad at Feelings, Kuroo Tetsurou is Bad at Feelings, Kuroo and Kenma are a mess, M/M, Romantic Soulmates, Sad with a Happy Ending, Soulmates, they fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:48:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27144076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gigglemite/pseuds/Gigglemite
Summary: Being soulmates doesn't always mean love will be easy. Love and happiness are hard, they are difficult, and having someone accidentally complicate it when you're figuring out your feelings for them just really, really sucks.KuroKen soulmate AU where you are able to feel your soulmate's emotions.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou & Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 39
Kudos: 192





	You Could Never Hurt Me

**Author's Note:**

> I recently read "The Galaxy is Endless (I Thought We Were Too)" as well as "In Another Life" so I wanted to try my hand at an angsty kuroken fanfic as well.
> 
> Also, thanks to my sister for helping me write this.

_ **November** _

**It's hard, to be hurting yet feel overwhelming happiness. It's not right. It's not normal. The positive is new, the light trying to push away my shadows.**

"Hey, Kenma, you okay?" A voice crackled through the comms. "If you're tired we can game tomorrow." 

"No, I'm fine Shouyo." Kenma shook his head to refocus on the game he was playing online with his friends. It wasn't long until his anxiety poked its ugly head up out of the ground again though. 

_I'm useless, they don't like me, I'm annoying, it hurts..._

"Kenma." Kuroo's voice came through Kenma's headset. "Kenma, you should go rest." 

"I'm fine." He tried to say it confidently, but he knew his wavering voice gave him away. 

"This is a private line, Shouyo can't hear us so don't lie to me." Kuroo sounded exhausted but his voice was still strong. 

"Ha, you're one to talk. You sound exhausted." 

"It's my soulmate, they're hurting so I'm hurting." 

Kenma felt a pang of guilt in his heart. 

"But I can't do anything for them because they won't let me."

"Kuroo, do you know who your soulmate is?" The guilt he felt didn't belong to him, it didn't feel like his emotion. 

Kenma was only met with silence in return. 

"Do. You. Know?" 

"Of course I do. How could I not tell who my soulmate was." Kuroo laughed awkwardly. 

Kenma felt the guilt be overshadowed by regret and embarrassment. 

"I think you should come over tonight." Is all he said before leaving a stunned Kuroo alone in the game, saying goodbye to Hinata, and then logging out. 

Suddenly, every negative emotion he felt, both his and his soulmates, were replaced by an almost overwhelming feeling of hope.

-

**Joy is a rare occurrence. The constant feeling of never being settled is overwhelming. But it's fine, it's okay because I know how to handle the negative.**

"I'm here." Kuroo knocked on Kenma's door. He wrapped his coat tighter around his body as he shivered, the November night was very cold. 

"Come on, you look like you're freezing." Kenma opened the door and dragged Kuroo into his house and all the way to his room. "Do you want hot chocolate or something?" 

"You're being awfully hospitable." Kuroo chuckled at Kenma's red face. 

"I'm just trying to be nice. If you don't want anything just say so." 

Kuroo felt embarrassment creep its way through his body. "If you're offering, I would love some. But I'll go with you and you can get some too." The embarrassment slowly went away.

The silence was deafening as the two sat in Kenma's room sipping their drinks. Both were feeling such a tangle of emotions that the other couldn't decipher them. 

"Kenma, why am I here?" Kuroo finally broke the silence, his curiosity (and hope) forcing him to speak. 

"Do I hurt you?" Kenma asked gently.

"What?!" 

"My emotions, my feelings. Do they hurt you? Cause they hurt me..." 

"No! You could never hurt me," Kuroo told him without any sign of uncertainty. 

"But you do feel them? My feelings, I mean." 

Kuroo didn't say anything, he just drank his hot chocolate. 

"Kuroo. Do you feel my emotions? You do right?" 

"Are you mad at me?" Kuroo asked without looking up. 

"Mad?" 

"Because I didn't tell you. I've known for a long time that you're my soulmate but I didn't think I should tell you." 

"Hey," Kenma stood up, his thoughts racing through his head. _'What am I doing?! I'm so bad at expressing myself he might just get the wrong impression.'_ But he still walked until he was directly in front of Kuroo. "You frustrate me and piss me off most of the time, but I'm not mad at you." He put his hands on either side of Kuroo's face.

Instead of the confusion or even anger that Kenma expected to feel, all he felt was love.

"You're not? You're really not mad at me?" Kuroo asked, not even trying to hide the hopeful tone of his voice. 

"No, I'm not mad, at least at you. I am mad I didn't make the connection sooner though." Kenma sighed and walked back to his bed and sat down. "You've always known me the best and knew when I was feeling down. When we were younger I thought you could read my mind," he chuckled. "But I guess that was just you being able to read my emotions instead." 

"Kenma-" 

"I'm sorry, that I didn't realize for so long. If anyone should be mad, it's you. You always say I'm so smart and my brain is one of my greatest assets but I couldn't even be smart enough to realize who my soulmate is. My soulmate, my best friend...I'm really sorry."

"Kenma-" 

"But I'm so confused! You _should_ be mad but all I can feel from you is love." 

"Kenma, for fucks sake, just be quiet will you?" Kuroo laughed when Kenma looked up and his eyes widened when he saw Kuroo standing there. "I'm not mad, you're not mad, we're soulmates, and...I love you." 

"..."

"I know it's not the best time, or maybe it is...what I'm trying to say is I had this whole plan on how to confess to you and this wasn't it. And I know we're soulmates but I don't know if you feel the same way and if you don't that's fine, I mean it's not but I just really needed to finally tell you and-" 

Kuroo was cut off by soft lips against his. It was brief and slightly awkward, but it made his heartbeat so hard he was sure it would pop right out of his chest. 

"You're the one rambling now." Kenma laughed with a blush dusting his cheeks. 

Kuroo backed away with wide eyes. He covered his mouth with a bright red blush covering his whole face. 

"Should, should I have not done that?..." Kenma's anxiety spiked after he realized what he just did and he started overthinking. "I'm sorry..." 

"No! No, it's fine! I was just shocked! I never expected you to initiate our first kiss." Kuroo teased trying to ease Kenma's anxiety. 

"Oh, so you've thought about our first kiss before?" Kenma asked, forcing himself to tease back. 

"Of course I have." Kuroo boasted with a smile. "But in each scenario, I've thought up, you have never once been the one to initiate the kiss." 

"Is your fiction better than our reality then?" 

"No way! This reality is sooo much better!" Kuroo's blush faded but his smile didn't waver. 

"You're cheesy." 

"Says the one who interrupted me with a kiss like we're in an anime or something." Kuroo followed Kenma back to his bed and sat down next to him instead of on his chair across the room. "On a more serious note, I know how uncomfortable you are with expressing affection. Don't force yourself to do something you're not comfortable with." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Of course! I can show enough affection for both of us!" 

"Just not in public. Pda is weird." Kenma pouted causing Kuroo's heart to beat quickly again. 

"At this rate, you're gonna kill me." 

"What?" 

"Nothing! Can I kiss you?" He asked quickly. 

Kenma's blush came back and he turned away from Kuroo. "I suppose." 

Kuroo looked at Kenma's lips and smiled, this was all his now, he didn't have to hide it any longer. He lightly brushed their lips together, nervous he'd mess it up. Kenma frowned at the lack of contact and leaned closer, effectively bring their lips crashing against each other. 

"Don't start something you can't finish, you jerk," Kenma said breathlessly when they broke apart. They looped their pinkies together, the closeness being something they both craved now.

Kuroo looked at Kenma, taking in every feature of his face. His normally dull yellow eyes were glowing amber in the muted light of his room. The way his eyebrows were knitted together slightly. The small blush he attempted to cover with his hand. Every little thing was finally his to treasure. 

"You're staring." 

"I'm admiring. There's a difference." Kuroo smiled warmly at him, but his innocent smile was proven false by the teasing glint in his eyes. 

Before Kenma could say anything, there was a knock at his door effectively making Kuroo jump back and sit up straight. 

Kenma chuckled before opening his door. "Oh, hey mom." 

"Tetsurou, sweetie, you should head home. It's getting late and you have school tomorrow." 

"You're right. Thank you for having me over Mrs. Kozume." 

"Oh of course dear. Get home safely." 

"Don't worry, I will. And tell the husband I said hey will you?" 

"Kuroo, why are you so casual with my parents." Kenma sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

His mom just laughed. "We'll see you tomorrow." With that, she smiled knowingly and closed the door. 

"I, I guess I'm leaving now," Kuroo said. 

Kenma felt a pang of sadness in his heart that he knew wasn't his own and looked up at Kuroo with soft eyes. "It's just for the night. I'll see you tomorrow at school." He assured him. 

"Right, tomorrow..." 

"What? Can't go that long without seeing me?" Kenma joked.

"No, I cannot go that long without seeing my boyfriend." Kuroo pouted before his eyes shot open wide and he felt embarrassment twist in his gut, both his own and Kenma's. "You know what? I'll be fine. I'm just gonna go. Sleep well!" Kuroo told him as he rushed out of Kenma's room and then his house. 

"Boyfriend..." Kenma smiled as he tested out the new word. It fell from his lips in the most perfect way and made them tingle as he remembered the kiss. he knew that Kuroo could feel his happiness and that he wouldn't hear the end of it at school the next day but he fell asleep letting himself indulge in the new feeling. 

-

Kenma woke up, unwillingly, as the sun rose. His phone rang at around 6 am and forced him up. 

"Kenma!" 

"Shouyo...?" Kenma rubbed his eyes sleepily. 

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" 

"It's fine. What's up?" 

"I was worried about you last night. Are you okay?" 

Kenma smiled. "I'm fine, Shouyo. Sorry, I worried you." 

"Did it have to do with Kuroo? You left and then he did so I thought maybe he left to check on you."

"You're smart sometimes." 

"Sometimes?!" Hinata feigned hurt before laughing. "So it did then?" 

"Yeah, it did. I found out he's my soulmate so I invited him to my house to talk." 

"I knew it!" 

"Knew what?"

"That he's your soulmate! I could tell. Don't ask how cause I've got no idea!" 

Kenma chuckled. "We're dating now so everything is okay. Thanks again for checking up on me, Shouyo." 

"I'm so happy for you! I have to go if I wanna get to school on time but you'll have to tell me all about it next weekend! Bye!" 

"Bye." Kenma hung up the phone and smiled. "This is so weird. I never smile like this." He put his hands on his face and sighed happily. A short while passed before he stood up quickly. "Shit. We never discussed telling others. What if he gets pissed at me." He paced the room for a bit when a knock brought him out of his thoughts. 

"Kenma, are you okay?" His mother asked gently. "You're up early." 

"I'm fine, Mom. I got a call from Shouyo." 

"Oh! Invite Hinata over some time, I'd love to see him again." 

"He's gonna come over next weekend."

"Perfect!" His mom clapped her hands together.

"Did you need anything?" Kenma asked her. 

"Oh, that's right! Kuroo is downstairs. He wanted to walk with you to school and insisted on waiting." 

"You should lead with that, Mother." Kenma hurried around his room and got dressed. 

"Haha, don't trip dear." She smiled and left the room. 

"I didn't expect him to come over this morning," Kenma muttered to himself as he finished getting ready and then left the room. 

"Be careful you two!" Kenma's mother called out as Kenma and Kuroo headed out the door. 

"I'll be back." Kenma replied. 

The two walked silently for a short while before Kenma decided to speak up. "Why are you here so early?" 

"I felt an odd emotion and wanted to check on you." Kuroo shrugged. 

"Odd emotion...?" Kenma thought back and then remembered the fear and anxiety he felt when he thought about Kuroo getting mad at him. "Oh... I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?" 

"You could never hurt me, I told you that. I was just worried about you is all. Wanted to make sure you were alright." 

"I'm, fine. Just overthinking again." 

"What about?" 

"Kuroo, can we tell people?" 

"Tell people?" The two stopped walking. "Oh, you mean telling people that we're soulmates and together now?" 

"I guess someone got over his embarrassment." Kenma chuckled. "But yes, that's what I mean." 

"I actually wanted to talk about that too. I accidentally told Bokuto this morning and I wanted to make sure it was okay with you if I did that." 

"You did?" 

"Yes, I'm so sorry. He called me and I was still half asleep and didn't realize what I said until he repeated it back to me in disbelief. I can make sure he doesn't tell anyone but I wanted you to know that he knows." Kuroo said sadly. 

"If Bokuto knows, it won't be long until Akaashi knows too," Kenma muttered. 

"I'm really sorry!" Kuroo threw his arms around Kenma. 

"Ah! Hey! I just said last night, no pda." Kenma pushed him away. "But, it's okay. I actually wanted to tell you that I told Shouyo and wanted to see if that was okay." 

"Is this what you were overthinking about earlier?" Kuroo asked him with a soft expression. Kenma just nodded. "It's perfectly fine with me! I don't care who knows, actually, I want the whole world to know!" He threw his arms out dramatically, earning a chuckle from Kenma. 

The two resumed walking and almost reached school when Kenma said, "You know, Kuroo, since I've found out you're my soulmate I've been thinking about us. I came to the realization that ever since we were little I have never felt a strong negative emotion from you. " 

"Oh?" Kuroo asked, intrigued. 

"Never mind, it's not important. I'm probably just overthinking it." Kenma waved it off. 

"What are you slowpokes doing?! Hurry up!" A small body passed them. 

"Yaku! Wait for me!" Kuroo laughed. "I'll see you at practice, Kenma." 

"Not lunch?" 

"No, I'm sorry. I have college counseling again. But you'll have me all to yourself at practice." 

"You say that like I'm clingy or something." Kenma pouted. 

"You're right, there's no way you're clingy." Kuroo chuckled and kissed the top of Kenma's head. "I love you." 

Kenma froze before relaxing and smiling at him. "I love you too." He said as Kuroo rushed off to catch up with Yaku.

"Yo, Kenma!"

"Oh, hey Tora." 

"I'm here too." Fukunaga popped out from behind Tora and gave a peace sign and a small smile.

"Let's get to class." Yamamato slung an arm around Kenma's and Fukunaga's shoulders and drug them inside the building. 

"Lev! You missed the ball again?!" 

"I'm sorry Yaku!" 

"You're never gonna reach ace status like that." Tora snickered. 

"They sure are lively again today." Kenma sighed as he tossed for Kuroo who hit the ball perfectly. 

"As long as we are left alone, I wouldn't care if they murder someone," Kuroo said earning a laugh from Kenma. 

"Hey, you!" 

"Yaku? What do you need?" Kenma asked the boy walking towards them. 

"Kuroo, let me borrow your boyfriend. Lev needs practice." 

"No way! He's my boyfriend and I'm keeping him today." Kuroo stood up tall before shrinking under the icy gaze coming from behind him. 

"Hahaha! I told you all! I told you they were dating!" Yaku yelled as the rest of Nekoma jogged over with sly smiles on their faces. 

"No, I uh, i-" kuroo stuttered out. 

"Kuroo you idiot." Kenma put his head in his hands. 

"You know, Captain, you may be our captain but if you're dating our precious setter and you hurt him, we won't go easy on you." Tora smiled eerily at Kuroo. 

"Whoa! I would never!" 

"And remember, that's not a threat, its a promise." The team glared at Kuroo. 

"Guys, I'm your captain." 

"And I'm the only setter. You're replaceable, I'm not." Kenma smirked.

"Kenma, you too?!" 

Kenma just nodded. 

"But in all actuality, Kenma could you please help Lev?" Yaku asked. 

"No way." Kenma turned around and walked back to the net. The team laughed as Lev pouted. 

.

"What is this, Kuroo?" Kenma asked as Kuroo led him through the house with a blindfold on.

"It's something _dirty_. Why else would you need the blindfold?" Kuroo teased earning a light chuckle from Kenma. "Okay, okay, we're here." He said and took the blindfold off of Kenma's face.

"Surprise!" The whole Nekoma team yelled out when Kenma's eyes focused and he saw them all standing in the kitchen.

"What is this?" Kenma asked with a smile, genuinely confused. It wasn't his birthday and it wasn't an anniversary.

"Kenma! How could you?!" Tora said with fake hurt lacing his tone. "I can't believe you've forgotten!"

"Forgot what??"

"Nothing, Kenma," Kai said with a soft sigh. "Kuroo wanted us to celebrate you guys finally dating. That's all."

"Oh my god." Kenma laughed. "That's so cheesy."

"You were right," Tora started crying. "He really is more smiley now that you're dating."

"Told you so." Kuroo boasted earning a slap from both Kenma and Yaku.

"We made this for you!" Lev presented a fresh homemade apple pie.

"You know what, I'm in a good mood so I'm not even gonna kick you out."

"Yay!" He cheered.

"If this is to celebrate us dating, why did you make something only for me?" Kenma questioned.

"Because everything I need is in front of me right now." Kuroo took Kenma's hand and kissed his knuckles with a smirk.

"I can't believe how cheesy you're being today! It's almost ridiculous."

"Almost?" Kuroo raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. Almost." Kenma stood on his tiptoes and kissed Kuroo's cheek. "It's also really cute." He whispered.

"Oh my god! Kenma kissed his cheek!"

"Lev, I will rethink kicking you out." Kenma threatened while still smiling at Kuroo.

"So, if you two are done being gross," kuroo glared at Yaku. "Let's cut into this apple pie." He finished.

"Yes please." Kenma sat down at the table and ate comfortably with his team as they all joked around and just talked for the rest of the evening.

.

"Hinata! I'm so glad you could come over again!" 

"Hi, Mrs. Kozume! Is Kenma here?" Hinata walked through the open door and sat down with Kenma's parents at the table. 

"I'm afraid he is out. He'll be back soon if you wanted to wait for him in his room." Kenma's dad offered.

"That sounds great. Thank you." Hinata smiled and went up to Kenma's room to wait. While he was just pacing around the room, a note from under Kenma's pillow stuck out to him. He grabbed the note and quickly read it:

_"I'm a real sweetheart and a real smart-ass. I'm a package deal. I know I'm a handful but that's why you've got two hands. Just admit it, life without me would just be boring. I never fell for you, you fucking tripped me...but I'm not planning on getting up from that fall. Kenma, I can never find words beautiful enough to describe just how much you mean to me, but I promise to you that I will spend the rest of my life searching for them. I know that reading a letter may be a bit annoying but you know me, I'm an annoying guy. I'm your annoying guy though, so please bear with me. I need you to know that even if we weren't soulmates I would still pick you. I will always pick you and always work to make you happy with your choice to pick me. Our fates may have been written in the stars, but our love is all our own._

_I love you,_

_Kuroo"_

"Shouyo?" A soft voice caught his attention and Hinata looked up. "Why are you crying?!" Kenma ran to his side worriedly. "Oh, that..." he chuckled nervously when Hinata held out the note with tears still streaming down his face. "Kuroo gave that to me yesterday. He sprayed it with his cologne so I put it under my pillow for now." 

"This letter is the, is the most romantic thing I have, have ever read." Hinata sobbed. 

"It was pretty good, wasn't it?" Kenma sat down beside Hinata and smiled to himself. "I can tell he's really trying to be affectionate for the both of us, I just don't want him to burn himself out or get hurt." 

"Get hurt?" Hinata asked once his sobs had subsided. 

"Oh nothing, don't worry about it." Kenma brushed it off. 

"So, where were you?" 

"Oh, I was out with Kuroo, Akaashi, and Bokuto getting ice cream." 

"Like a double date?!" Hinata asked excitedly. 

"Yeah, I suppose so." Kenma shrugged. "Do you wanna play a game?" 

"Sure!" 

The two set up the console and settled down on Kenma's gaming chairs. They were gaming for a while until Kenma got an alert on his phone signaling that he got a text. 

"Shouldn't you answer that?" Hinata asked, putting down his controller. 

"Ugh fine." Kenma sighed and paused the game. "Whoever it is is gonna regret interrupting us." 

"Who is it? Who is it?" Hinata looked over his shoulder as Kenma opened the text. 

**"I miss you -Kuroo"**

"awww cuuttee!!" Hinata squealed. 

"No it's not, he interrupted." Kenma frowned and put down his phone. 

"So you're just not gonna respond?" Hinata pouted when Kenma shook his head. "You have to! What if he gets worried because you didn't say anything back and he comes over?" 

"That's the worst-case scenario." Kenma quickly picked his phone back up and texted back. 

**"I miss you too -Kenma"**

" **Can I come over? -Kuroo"**

**"I'm with Shouyo right now, he's gonna spend the night. Sorry -Kenma"**

**"Oh ok, ill see you tomorrow? -kuroo"**

**"Yeah, definitely -Kenma"**

**"I love you! <3 -Kuroo" **

**"You too -Kenma"**

"you guys are so cute!" 

"Not really." Kenma shrugged and finally put down his phone for good. "Do you know who your soulmate is, Shouyo?" He asked. 

"I think so, but I am not brave enough to talk to him about it." Hinata laughed nervously. 

"It's Kageyama isn't it?" Kenma chuckled when Hinata jumped and started stuttering. "I thought so, you talk about him all the time. And even if he isn't your soulmate, you are definitely in love with him." 

"You're being bold today!" Hinata pouted. 

"Sorry." Kenma chuckled. 

-

A few weeks passed. Kuroo and Kenma were perfect, almost too perfect. 

-

"Hey hEY HEY!" 

"Bokuto, please calm down. We are in a restaurant." Akaashi put a hand on Bokuto's shoulder and he immediately calmed down. 

"Hey Bro!" Kuroo smiled widely and hugged the energetic owl. 

"Hi Kozume, I'm sorry about him." 

"Hey Akaashi, don't apologize for yours, or I'll have to apologize for mine." Kenma and Akaashi chuckled. 

The four ate and talked for a while. Akaashi and Kenma had to keep calming their boyfriends down but other than that the night had gone by without a hitch. That is until dessert. 

"Alright, I have a strawberry milkshake for you." The waiter put it down in front of Kenma and he stiffened. "And a banana split for you." He put the banana split in front of Bokuto and Akaashi. "Enjoy." 

"Kozume, are you okay?" Akaashi asked when he saw Kenma's face. 

"Oh, yeah I'm fine." 

"That's not what you ordered." Kuroo frowned as he looked at the milkshake. 

"No, no it's fine. I'll be okay with this." 

"But that's not what you asked for." 

"It's fine." 

"Kenma, just tell him you wanted the chocolate milkshake," Kuroo said. 

"No. I told you, it's fine." 

"But you don't even like strawberries! Just tell him." 

"No, Kuroo." Kenma's anxiety had started to spike as he tried to stay calm. 

"Kenma-" kuroo felt the anxiety as it swirled up through his gut and spread through his body. 

"Goddamit Kuroo, just let it go." Kenma stood up and quickly walked off to the bathrooms. 

"What did I do...?" Kuroo looked at Bokuto and Akaashi for answers. 

"Bro, you should've just let it go." Bokuto shook his head. 

"Have you two fought like this before?" Akaashi asked him. 

"No! Well, I mean, we've had small fights over little things before and he always ends up pissed at me but it's never been like this..." Kuroo put his head in his hands. 

"I'll go check on him! Don't worry bro, I'm sure it's fine." Bokuto smiled and stood up from his chair. 

"Don't be gone too long," Akaashi said and then kissed him, letting Bokuto hurry towards the bathrooms. 

"Hey hey, Kenma. You okay buddy?" He asked when he opened the door. 

"God, Shouyo I just don't... ah!" Kenma pulled the phone away from his face and wiped the stray tears. "I'll call you back." He said into the phone and then hung up. "I didn't think you'd be the one he'd send." 

"No one sent me. I came on my own." Bokuto boasted. "Are you okay though?" He asked seriously, his attitude quickly changing. 

"I'm fine. Sorry to cause trouble." Kenma tried to walk past Bokuto but he grabbed Kenma's arm. 

"Hinata is a great person to talk to, especially because he's surprisingly good with emotions, but don't forget to talk to your boyfriend too." Kenma looked up at Bokuto, about to say something, but he cut him off. "Let's go back now and finish dessert! It's gonna be all melted if we don't." The two walked back to the table. 

"Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, sorry about that Akaashi." 

"Don't worry about it. Let's just finish up here and head to our movie." 

Kenma sat down awkwardly next to Kuroo. 

"Here." Kuroo pushed a chocolate milkshake in front of him. "And before you say anything! I ordered it for myself and then switched them. I took the strawberry." 

"Thanks," Kenma said softly. 

-

"So! Are you going to tell me what happened earlier?" Kuroo asked when they got back to his house. 

"What do you mean?"

"It's their job, Kenma. If they get something wrong you have to tell them so that you get your money's worth. I've done it plenty of times and there hasn't been a problem." 

"I'm not you, Kuroo! You know I have bad social anxiety and I know you could feel it. I don't want to keep hurting you but you just like to keep pushing and pushing!..." kenma paced the room. "I love you, I really do, but I can't risk you losing your love for me because I hurt you." He sat down on a chair with a heavy sigh. 

The two sat in silence for a while before Kuroo finally said something. 

"I'm so sorry. I know you so well, too well, and I should know when to stop pushing. But Kenma," he stood in front of Kenma, put his forehead against his, and closed his eyes. "My love for you is unconditional and everlasting. I've told you that you do not hurt me, but even if you did, I would never stop loving you." 

"That doesn't sound healthy." Kenma put his hands on Kuroo's cheeks and closed his eyes as well. "But okay. If you say so." 

"I say so," Kuroo assured him. 

"You're a sap." Kenma chuckled. 

"And you love it." Kuroo kissed his nose. 

-

"Kennmmaaa!" Kuroo opened the front door of Kenma's house and bounced in.

"Ah! Sorry Tetsurou, but he's not here right now."

"What?!"

"Haha, don't worry, he's with Shouyo." Kenma's mother told him with a light laugh. "You can go wait for him in his room though."

"Don't mind if I do. Thank you." Kuroo smiled and quickly made his way to Kenma's room. He immediately went to Kenma's bed and lied down. "Mmm, it smells like him." Kuroo sighed softly and smiled. "Oh?" He sat up after hearing something crinkle under his head. "And what might this be?" He reached under the pillow and pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper. "Waaiitt a second," his eyes opened wide and he gasped. "It couldn't be!" He opened the paper and quickly read its contents. "Oh my god, it is! He sleeps with my note!! This is the cutest development ever!"

"Kuroo..."

Kuroo froze when he heard his name come from the doorway. The voice was devoid of emotion.

"Kuroo, why exactly are you looking through my stuff?"

"I uuuhhh, happened to find it by accident?"

"Leave."

"Noo wait KenKen! It's adorable that you sleep with the note I wrote to you!"

"Yep, leave. Go away." Kenma grabbed Kuroo's hand and dragged him to the door, ready to push him out.

"Just wait a second." Kuroo stopped walking and just held Kenma's hand. "Hear me out."

"Oh fine. What?"

"Kenma, that is the cutest thing ever and why didn't you tell me you slept with my note?! I could've written you more if I knew you loved it that much!"

"It, it's not that you jerk!" Kenma blushed and looked away. "It smells like you." He muttered.

"Wait, what."

"It smells like you," Kenma said a bit louder but still muttered it.

"Please say it louder, I can't hear you.

"It smells like you!" Kenma blushed a deeper shade of red and looked away.

"Oh my god, you're gonna kill me! Kenma if I knew _that_ I would've given you one of my sweatshirts instead!"

"Shut up!"

"Kenma, do you wanna cuddle?" Kuroo asked with a teasing glint in his eyes.

"Yes, but you didn't have to ask like that." Kenma pouted.

"You're seriously gonna kill me one of these days, you are just too adorable."

"Ugh." 

.

"Kuroo, this is ridiculous. Who do you think you are?"

"Kenma, please calm down. I'm sorry, okay? I didn't realize it'd upset you so much."

"You didn't-?!" Kenma took a deep breath. "I find out you were lying about me hurting you and you didn't think it'd upset me?! Are you serious?!" Kenma clenched his fists. "I thought you were going to always be honest with me. I need to know if I hurt you, Kuroo!"

"Please, KenKen, we have been doing so well lately! Just let it go, just this once?"

"I can't believe you." Kenma pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Fine, fine! I'll let it go this once only because it's late, but this is not over Kuroo. We need to seriously talk about this at some point, sooner rather than later would be smarter if we want to take care of this relationship."

"For what it's worth, I am sorry." 

"For what?"

"..."

"This is the problem, you won't be honest with me let alone yourself! Please just, I love you Kuroo, I don't want to hurt you. Please just be honest with me from now on."

"Okay.."

"Now go to sleep, I'll see you later." Kenma hung up the phone and flopped onto his bed. This was not how he wanted to be spending his night. They were doing so well, why did he have to find out now that Kuroo had been keeping things from him? Why now...?

.

_**December** _

"Sooo, how are you guys doing?"

"What do you mean, Shouyo?" 

"Kenma, its been a month since your big fight, are you guys doing okay now? When you called me that night I was really worried..."

"I'm not sure, it's weird. One second we're fine but then the next we're both blowing up over the smallest things. Bokuto told me to talk to him, but that's easier said than done." Kenma sighed. 

"What do you think is the problem?" 

"He's not honest with me. I know my constant negative emotions hurt him yet he keeps saying they don't. He also has never once had any strong negative feelings that could hurt me. He's just pushing himself too hard for my sake and I hate it!" He sat down, tears threatening to fall. 

"What do you want to do about it?" Hinata asked, sitting down next to him. 

"Talking is impossible, he'd never been completely honest with me. I tried already." 

"Then what?" 

"Shouyo, I'm thinking about quitting volleyball." 

"What?!" Hinata's eyes opened wide. 

"I know that we're soulmates and he can't escape my emotions, but maybe, just maybe if I leave the sport we do together I'll hurt him less." Kenma wouldn't meet Hinata's gaze as he just stared at the floor. 

"Kenma, that's too far. Quitting might hurt him more than you." 

"I know...that's why I said I'm just thinking about it right now. I don't want to hurt him anymore, that's the whole point." 

"I know this must be really hard for you, but don't do anything rash until you at least try to talk to Kuroo." Hinata held up his pinky finger. "Promise me." 

Kenma smiled slightly and looped his pinky around Hinata's. "I promise." 

-

"Oh, hey there Hinata. What can I do for you today?" Kuroo smiled when he saw the small orange-haired boy standing in front of his door. 

"I, I just left Kenma's house and we need to talk." Hinata wouldn't meet Kuroo's eye but his anxious expression said all that he needed to. 

"What's wrong?" He opened the door, Hinata following him through it and to Kuroo's room. 

"Has Kenma been acting odd to you?" Hinata asked him when they reached the room. "He said something that was concerning." He paced the room. 

"Shouyo, calm down, sit down, and tell me what's going on." Kuroo tried to calm him down, his own anxiety starting to spike. 

"Ok ok. So, first of all, Kenma told me that you guys have been fighting recently." 

"Oh..." kuroo looked down at his hands. "What else did he tell you?"

"Not much except for the fact he's thinking about quitting volleyball!" Hinata threw his arms in the air, very exasperated and worried. 

"What? Could you, could you repeat that please?" 

"Kenma said that he's tired of hurting you and thinks quitting volleyball could fix that." 

"He what?!" Kuroo stood up quickly and grabbed Hinata's collar. "What else did he say?!" 

"He said that you would never be completely honest with him." 

"About what?" Kuroo glared down at Hinata who wasn't even the slightest bit fazed. 

"About him hurting you. He knows that he does so why aren't you honest about it?" 

Kuroo let go of Hinata's shirt and rubbed his face, a loud sigh leaving his lips. "It's not that black and white, Chibi-chan." 

"Yes, it is? Kuroo, he's not dumb, you know this. Do you think he doesn't know when you're hurting? He can _FEEL_ when you're hurting, you idiot." This time it was Hinata's turn to glare. 

"No he can't, that's the whole point." Kuroo frowned. 

"You think he can't feel that uncomfortable feeling you get when you push your hurt deep down? Do you think he can't feel that subtle anxiety when you lie to him about it? You really think he can't?!" 

"Please shut up." Kuroo dropped onto his bed and rested his arm over his face. 

"He may be your best friend, soulmate, and boyfriend, but he's also my best friend. You cant let him quit volleyball because of this! I know he actually likes it, he's told me he does. Please Kuroo, just be honest with him. Please!" Hinata pled with Kuroo who slowly moved his arm to reveal tears falling down his face. 

"This is not the best day for this," Kuroo muttered. "We already fought this morning on the way to school, he wouldn't talk to me during lunch, and we couldn't match up during practice." 

"You have to do it though. I'm seriously worried about him." Hinata told him firmly. 

"I know! God...I know..." Kuroo wiped his eyes and stood up. "You should go now." He gently pushed Hinata towards the door of his room. 

"You're kicking me out?!"

"Yes." Kuroo chuckled lightly when he saw Hinata's angry face. "I can't talk with my boyfriend when you're here now can I?" 

"Oh!" Hinata nodded. "Right!" He and Kuroo walked down the stairs to the front door. 

"When did you get so smart?" Kuroo asked him suddenly. 

"Rude! I've always been smart." Hinata looked hurt. Kuroo just raised an eyebrow. "Fine fine, I'm not book smart, but I am people smart!" He boasted earning another small chuckle from Kuroo. 

"Be careful getting home." Kuroo opened the front door but completely froze when he looked outside. 

"Shouyo? I thought you went home already, what are you doing here?" 

"Kenma! I-I uh-" Hinata fumbled around his words. "I was just saying hi to Kuroo but I'm going home now! Bye-bye!"

"Shouyo-!" Kenma reached out a hand towards his running friend but missed him as he sped away. "Is he planning on running the whole way home...?" He muttered. 

"K-Kenma, do you want to come in?" Kuroo asked, clearing his throat to make his stutter less obvious and less awkward. Kenma only nodded his reply and walked up to Kuroo's room behind him and sat down. "So, what's up? It's late, you could've just texted me if you needed something." 

"Did something happen? I felt a mix of anxiety and fear and really intense sadness. Are you okay?" Kenma asked, his concern evident by his tone of voice. 

"You felt something was off so you came over?" Kuroo asked softly. 

"Yes of course I did. You've done that for me plenty of times." Kenma frowned. "But did something happen?" 

"No, no I'm fine." Kuroo waved his hand and smiled. His smile dropped however when Kenma stood up swiftly and reached for the door handle. 

"Right, my bad. I shouldn't have worried, must've been my own emotions because Kuroo Tetsurou doesn't feel strong negative emotions. I forgot." He opened the door. 

"Wait, no!" Kuroo quickly shut the door before Kenma could leave. "Don't go." 

"Why should I stay when you're fine." It wasn't really a question meant to be answered and the way Kenma said it made Kuroo flinch. "Or, are you finally going, to be honest with me?" 

Kuroo backed up and looked at the floor. 

"Why was Shouyo really here?" 

Kuroo wouldn't answer. 

"Let me guess, he told you what I told him earlier right? About quitting volleyball?"

Kuroo still wouldn't say anything. 

"You have to speak sometime, if you don't I'll leave." Kenma threatened. 

"I-!" 

"What? You what? You're fine?" 

"No! I'm not okay!? I'm not..." Kuroo looked down at Kenma whose eyes were wide. "But I can't tell you! I can't hurt you, Kenma." 

"Who decided that you confiding in me would hurt me?! Who decided that you FEELING would hurt me?! Cause it sure as hell wasn't me." 

"I don't want you to hurt more. I know your own feelings can be too much, I don't want to make that worse." 

"Kuroo, that is toxic! You made our relationship toxic for you!" Kenma felt tears well up in his eyes. "You've never allowed yourself to be not okay since we were kids. How much pent up pain do you have?" 

"It doesn't matter! As long as you're happy I'm happy Kenma. If you feel okay, I feel okay. It's always been like that for me. Sure, there are times when I hurt but I would never let myself hurt too much for you." 

"Kuroo! Are you listening to yourself?!! This isn't healthy!" The tears finally dripped down his face. "You don't hurt me, Kuroo. I'm the one who hurts you. Daily. You deserve better than someone who hurts you so much."

"Kenma-" Kuroo held out his hand trying to reach the setter. 

"Kuroo," Kenma wiped the tears from his face and set his face in a neutral expression. "I know that we're soulmates and you can never be free from my emotions, but you can be free from me." 

"Kenma, what are you talking about..?." 

"Kuroo, I think we should break up and not see each other for a while." 

**Fear.**

"Kenma, please don't."

"It's for the best." 

**Pain.**

"you don't hurt me! So please don't leave!" 

"Stop lying already!" 

**Despair.**

"We need to talk about this more."

"We are not healthy for each other right now. We need time apart." 

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Anger.**

"fine then! Just leave! I've done everything I can to make you feel okay because I know you're too hard on yourself. I tried! But if that's not enough then I get it. Just go." 

"..."

"and since you were already thinking about it, just go ahead and quit volleyball while you're at it! I know I dragged you to do it so maybe you'll be happier without it!" 

"I'm leaving then..." 

"Goodbye!" 

When the door shut Kuroo sank to the ground and pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them. He just sat there and sobbed for what seemed like hours. 

-

"Kuroo?" A soft knock interrupted his sobs. "Kuroo, I'm coming in." The door opened to reveal a worried Akaashi. "Hey now, you're going to be okay. I promise." Akaashi sat on the ground next to Kuroo and made sure their shoulders were touching, the touch was simple yet soft and warm and helped to calm Kuroo down. 

"What did I do?!" Kuroo asked in disbelief after his sobs had subsided. "Oh my god I fucked up I fucked up I fucked up." 

"Kuroo, breathe." Akaashi took his hands and squeezed, the act effectively calmed Kuroo down yet again. 

"Akaashi I messed up so badly." Kuroo looked at Akaashi, his eyes were desperate and broken. 

"Just, just tell me what happened, and I'll see what I can do." 

-

"What did I do..?" Kenma sat down on his bed, he was slightly dazed after the encounter he just had with Kuroo. "Was I too harsh? He's hurting so badly right now." He wrapped his arms around his torso in an attempt to console both himself and Kuroo at the same time. "I can't believe he told me to quit volleyball..we've been playing together for years, I wasn't serious about it, I would never be serious about that. Does he not know me?!" Kenma frowned deeply when he realized no tears were coming out of his eyes, it was the dry kind of hurt, the kind of anger and sorrow where you just can't cry. The sobbing kind of hurt wasn't his favorite thing to feel, but at least when he was crying he knew he felt _something._ "Why am I like this?" He questioned the stagnate air around him. After receiving silence as his answer he lied down and sighed heavily, trying to calm the pounding in his chest. He wasn't there for long before he felt something poking his cheek. "Oh, you've gotta be kidding me..." He laughed the kind of laugh that came out a bit too hard when you are trying a little too much. "This stupid letter, he never should've written it for me if he was just going to tell me to leave when it got hard. Asking me to stick with him and then telling me to leave when he couldn't stick with me!" He crumpled the letter Kuroo had written for him in his hand tightly. He took a deep breath, "He never should've lied in the first place." He said softly, gently smoothing out the letter. That's when it finally happened. The tears flowed down his face. "I have to get out of here." He stood up quickly and stumbled as his vision blurred. "I just have to leave. He's too close, maybe distance will lessen these feelings." And with that, the now sobbing Kenma fumbled out of his house and quickly went to his safe place, his comfort space. 

-

**_A bit earlier, right after Hinata ran from Kuroo's house._ **

"Bokuto!" Hinata knocked loudly on the door of the owl. 

"Hinata, Hinata calm down, be quiet. Bokuto is asleep." Akaashi had answered the door and hushed the orange-haired boy.

"I'm sorry Akaashi, but I need to talk to him now." Hinata insisted. 

"Why are you here anyway? Did you run here?!" Akaashi looked the sweating boy over before opening the door wider and ushered him into the house. "His parents are out tonight so it's just us here. What's wrong?" He asked, handing Hinata a glass of water.

"Something bad is going to happen between Kuroo and Kenma!" 

"What kind of something bad?" 

"I have an awful feeling that they're going to break up," Hinata said sadly. 

"Why do you think that?" 

"They've been fighting, you know they've been fighting, so when I was over at Kenma's I asked him how they were and he said he was thinking of quitting volleyball so I got really worried and went to Kuroo after Kenma. I told Kuroo what he said and Kuroo said he would talk to Kenma but then when I was leaving Kuroo's place Kenma was there outside the door and so I ran here." Hinata spoke quickly but Akaashi, already used to Bokuto doing the same thing, understood what he said. 

"I know why you're worried, but Hinata, this isn't something any of us should meddle in. It is between them and them alone. Whatever they decide together is what we should respect." Akaashi spoke calmly but he could feel the worry creeping its way through his body. 

"They've been best friends since forever, I'm really worried they're gonna break up and ruin their friendship as well as their relationship." Hinata started crying. Akaashi's worry turned into panic as he realized exactly what Hinata was so concerned about. 

"They are both so against hurting each other but if they fight and break up, their own and the other's pain of losing their best friend would be too much," Akaashi muttered as he pulled at his fingers anxiously. 

"Hey, you okay babe?" A sleepy Bokuto wrapped his arms around Akaashi from behind. 

"I'm sorry, did we wake you?" Akaashi asked, his panic slowly fading as he melted into Bokuto's strong embrace. 

"Nah you weren't loud or anything. I felt a bad feeling and got worried. Are you okay?" 

"Hinata was telling me how he was worried about Kuroo and Kozume and I guess I also got worried. I'm sorry about that." 

"Nah don't worry about it." Bokuto kissed Akaashi's cheek before jumping over the top of the couch to sit next to his boyfriend. "I'm also worried about them." 

"How do you do that?!" Hinata sat on the edge of his seat and stared at the two.

"Do...what?" Akaashi asked. 

"Well, the biggest thing with them is that Kuroo won't be honest about Kenma hurting him. So, how are you able to be just so open about it and talk it through when it happens?" 

"Oh, that." 

"Hinata, my star pupil, listen closely! Me and Akaashi actually went through something similar to our friends a year ago." 

"Bokuto does he need to know this..?" Akaashi asked softly. 

"Does it make you uncomfortable?!" Bokuto asked, suddenly aware of how it may affect his lover if he talked about their personal matters without discussing it first. 

"Yes, it does actually. I would appreciate it if you talked to me before telling anyone what we went through last year." 

"I'm sorry!" Bokuto threw his arms around Akaashi. 

"It's ok." Akaashi pet his hair and smiled. "Thank you for respecting my boundaries." 

"I'm so jealous." Hinata pouted causing Bokuto and Akaashi to just laugh. "I'm still really worried about them though, and I don't know how to help."

"How about this," Akaashi started. "I'll go over and talk to them and see if I can help at all." He suggested. 

"Are you sure?!" Hinata asked. 

"Babe, it's late. Just go over tomorrow." Bokuto yawned. 

"If I don't go over tonight Hinata won't be able to rest, and honestly neither could I. Depending on what I need to do I might just spend the night with Kuroo then so don't wait up."

"Fine, if you're sure you want to tonight. But make sure you text me then." Bokuto hugged Akaashi tightly. 

"I will don't worry."

"And Hinata, you can stay with me tonight. It's way too late to go back to Miyagi now."

"Okay!"

"Be careful." Bokuto kissed Akaashi and waved as he walked out the door. 

"Do you think they'll be okay?" Hinata asked Bokuto after Akaashi had left. 

"Yeah, if Akaashi is there it should be fine," Bokuto assured him. 

-

-

"Kuroo, tell me what happened." Akaashi had settled down on the floor beside the crumpled Kuroo. 

"I fucked up so badly! Kenma broke," he took a deep breath. "Broke up with me and I told him to, I told him to leave and said that since he was already thinking about it he should, should just quit volleyball." He said in-between sobs. 

"Kuroo-"

"I didn't mean it! I would never mean anything like that! But I was so upset and I was so overwhelmed and it just, it came out and now I can't take it back!"

Akaashi put his arms around Kuroo and hugged him tightly. "Hiding your emotions really takes a toll on your mental well-being you know. It's no surprise you blew up like that. Any other time would've been better than now," he chuckled lightly. "But it happened. You know you can't take it back, so instead think of how you can fix it." He loosened his grip on Kuroo. 

"Fix it?" Kuroo looked up, his eyes glazed over, yet hopeful. "I can fix it?!" 

"I can't say for sure that you can fix it because that is completely up to you and Kenma, but I can say from experience that it's not a lost cause." 

"Experience?" 

"No one else knows this Kuroo, please don't tell anyone." Kuroo nodded his agreement and Akaashi started. "Last year, after Bokuto and I found out we were soulmates we went through a pretty bad fight." 

"Why did you fight though?" 

"For the same reason as you and Kenma actually." Akaashi smiled softly. "Bokuto's emotions can be very erratic, as you know, and I am not very verbal about my own. His sudden and fast-paced change of emotions was hurting me but I wouldn't say anything, I refused to. I knew he wasn't doing it on purpose so what was the point of telling him?" Bokuto ended up confronting me about it because I was no longer myself. We didn't talk for days, it hurt more than anything I'd ever felt before. Eventually, he approached me and promised to work on his fast-paced emotions that tended to give me whiplash and I agreed to talk with him about anything that bothered me."

"I never knew you fought." 

"That's because I had Bokuto promise to never tell anyone because I don't want others knowing my weak points. But that's not the point. Kuroo," Akaashi stood up. "What happened, happened. But he is still your soulmate and I can promise you that being apart will hurt you more than anything else. It's not irreparable, but from one boyfriend who hides his emotions to another, you have to tell him what's wrong, he's stronger than you think." 

"I know he's strong, he's stronger than me. But I'm scared, Akaashi." 

"And that's okay." Akaashi smiled and held out his hand. Kuroo grabbed it and stood up with his help. "It's okay to be scared, but you have to be honest. That's all." 

"Being honest now doesn't really seem like it'll get me anywhere with him." He sighed. 

"I didn't mean you have to be honest with Kenma." Akaashi opened Kuroo's bedroom door and led him outside, a confused Kuroo just following him. They walked for a short while before reaching an empty parking lot. 

"Who do I have to be honest with then?" Kuroo looked around. "And why the hell are we here?" 

"I come here often actually, the owner of the store and I have a deal; if I work sometimes for him then I can come here at night and just yell out my frustrations." Akaashi spun around and smiled. "We are here so you can finally be honest."

"With who, Akaashi?! You?!" He frowned. 

"With yourself." He said simply like it was the most obvious thing ever. 

"What?"

"Hiding your emotions from Kenma took more of a toll on you than you think. Hiding something that big and acting like you are fine takes a huge blow to your mental health and since you've been lying to Kenma you had to have been lying to yourself too, right?" Kuroo just looked away which was all the answer Akaashi needed. "You need to be honest with yourself about how you are feeling. Before you can move forward and try to make things right with Kenma, you need to make things right with yourself."

"So...what am I supposed to do?" 

"Scream, shout, cry. Anything you need to do that can help you get those pent up emotions out." Akaashi cupped his hands around his mouth and screamed. "I'VE NEVER BEEN GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM! OTHER PEOPLE CAN KEEP UP SO WELL, WHY CAN'T I?!" when the echo of his last shout had faded out, Akaashi took a deep breath, wiped his eyes of the stray tears that had formed, and smiled at Kuroo. "I promise you'll feel a lot better afterward." 

"That'll work?" 

"It will help," Akaashi assured him. "I have to text Bokuto and tell him that I'll be out later, but go ahead. Just yell out anything you're feeling." He walked a short distance away, enough for Kuroo to feel comfortable shouting, and pulled out his phone. 

**"Hey Love, everything all good?"**

**"I'll definitely be out late Bokuto, sorry."**

**"Don't apologize! What's the situation over there?"**

**"They broke up..."**

**"D:"**

**"Kozume apparently blew up and confronted Kuroo about what happened. Kuroo snapped and kicked him out. Kozume was the one to end it. He just left afterward."**

**"Oh my god!"**

**"I haven't seen Kozume at all so I'm worried, but Kuroo is calming down. I took him to my special spot so he could get his feelings out. I'll probably spend the night with him then."**

**"Ok babe. Be careful!"**

**"Of course."**

**"I love you!"**

**"I love you too <3"**

**-**

"Bokuto, I'm really worried about Kenma," Hinata said sadly. "Kuroo is okay because Akaashi is there but he said that Kenma just up and left. He's not answering my texts either." He started tearing up. 

"Don't worry Hinata, this is Kenma we're talking about," Bokuto comforted him. "He won't do anything dumb, he just needs some time." His assumption was proved wrong when his phone rang though.

"B-Bokuto..?" a wavering voice said weakly when Bokuto picked up his phone.

"Kenma?!" He rushed out of the living room so he didn't worry Hinata. "Are you okay?!" 

"No, no I'm not." 

"Are you, are you crying?" Bokuto asked gently. 

"..." He got silence in return. 

"Where are you? I'll go to you."

"No! No, it's fine, I'm fine. I'm sorry to have bothered you." Kenma hung up quickly and Bokuto clutched his phone tightly in frustration and worry. He took a deep breath before going back to Hinata. 

"Hey, can I leave you here?"

"What?" Hinata looked up, obviously confused. 

"I need to go somewhere, are you okay here by yourself?" Bokuto asked as he quickly put on his coat and grabbed some stuff. 

"S-sure! Where are you going though?"

"I need to meet with someone, I shouldn't be gone too long." 

"Oh um, okay! I'll be fine, go ahead."

"Thanks, Buddy," Bokuto put on his shoes and opened the door. "I'm trusting you to look after my house while Akaashi and I are gone, okay?"

"Understood!" 

Bokuto chuckled and then left the house.

His concern made his strides longer and longer until eventually, he was just straight-up running. Over the last year Bokuto had gotten surprisingly close to Kenma, he could understand him and his way of thinking. Maybe it was because people would subconsciously open up to Bokuto, maybe it was because he and Kenma were similar in the way they would accidentally hurt their soulmate. Either way, Bokuto _knew_ Kenma, and he had a pretty good idea of where Kenma would be right now. 

.

.

"Kenma, are you here?! Bokuto called out when he walked into the little store. Kenma would often go to the back of the small bakery and just sit by himself. He had told Bokuto that the scent of fresh-baked bread was calming and since it was a little store, there were hardly any people to bother him when he needed to be alone. 

"Shh." Someone shushed him. 

"My bad, I'm sorry." Bokuto apologized quickly. "Have you happened to see someone about this tall," He gestured to mimic Kenma's height. "He has hair that looks like pudding?" The person nodded and pointed towards the back of the bakery. Bokuto thanked them and quickly walked to the back. "Kenma! I found you!" 

Kenma looked up but glanced away quickly to avoid eye contact. "Did you need something?"

"Seriously?! You call me crying and then just hang up like that and expect me to not come looking for you?! After you hung up on me you weren't answering my calls or my texts or my dms or-" he was cut off by Kenma sighing.

"Your point?" He asked cooly. 

"My point is, I'm worried about you and you shouldn't be shutting me out."

"Yeah, well, I shut everyone out. Don't take it personally, it's just easier." Kenma shrugged. 

"Nope, we are not doing that. Look at me." Bokuto said sternly. "I am here to help you because I know that no matter what you said at the moment out of anger, you didn't really mean it."

"And if I did?"

"I know you didn't."

"But if I did?"

"Then I would still want to help you because you are clearly hurting."

"I'm fine."

"You wanna try that again? Cause people who are fine don't call their friends sobbing and saying they aren't okay. I'm not leaving till you tell me what's wrong, and don't try lying again." Bokuto crossed his arms and huffed. 

"I don't know what's wrong, okay?! I'm just...really tired." Kenma still wouldn't meet his eye. 

"You hate hurting him, right?" Bokuto sat down across from Kenma. "You hate not being able to control those emotions that hurt him. You hate not being confident enough to talk to him about it. You hate that he's never been honest with you about it. You hate-"

"Yes! I do! Okay? So please, please just stop already." Kenma laid his head on the table in defeat as his shoulders gently shook. 

"Bokuto reached over and put his hand on Kenma's head. "I can try to help you, ya know. If you wanted." He rubbed Kenma's head affectionately before leaning back again. 

"You what?" Kenma looked up, his watering eyes finally meeting Bokuto's gentle ones. 

"I can help you, man." Bokuto smiled wide. "You know about how Akaashi and I went through something similar, and Kuroo is my best friend. I want to help you and I am confident I can."

"How? How can you help me? I have to fix this, I broke it." 

"You know, doesn't the one who broke something need a little help sometimes?" 

"Bokuto-" 

"Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean I could help you fix anything with Kuroo. All I meant was that I could help you deal with it and better yourself so you can maybe fix things yourself." 

"What if...what if I don't want help?" Kenma asked softly. Bokuto's eyes widened in surprise, he never expected this to be Kenma's response. "I just want this pain to stop. I'm hurting, _he's hurting_ , so badly, Bokuto. I did that to him. So no, I don't want your help. I just want a way to make this all stop." 

"Kenma, that's not reasonable." Kenma's breath had started becoming more fast-paced again and Bokuto tried to calm him down. "I know you know that." 

"Reasonable." He scoffed at the word. "That's rich coming from you." 

"What? What do you mean?" Bokuto knew deep down what Kenma was going to say at that moment, but he never wanted to think a trusted friend would say it. He never thought Kenma would say those words, not to him. He was hurting, Bokuto knew that probably better than anyone, but he never thought Kenma would resort to anger instead of facing his problems. 

"You're not the most reasonable person, Bokuto. I know I hurt Kuroo, but you hurt Akaashi for no reason. Often." Kenma knew he shouldn't be saying this, he didn't mean it, but biting his tongue just wouldn't stop the words from spilling out of his mouth. "Whatever help you think you can offer me is probably something you should take for yourself instead." 

"Kenma, I-" Bokuto stood up and balled his fists. Kenma wasn't done. 

"It's ridiculous. You are a really, really bad soulmate aren't you?" Kenma bit his lip in frustration so hard that it started bleeding profusely. He didn't want to say these things, they weren't even directed at Bokuto, his words were for himself. 

Bokuto sighed, knowing he was done now. "Here, let me see." He knelt in front of Kenma and looked at the dry, cracked, and now bleeding lips. "I'll be right back, you try to get that bleeding to calm down. Your fingers too." 

Kenma looked down and saw his fingertips also covered in blood, he was picking them unconsciously because of the intense anxiety he'd been feeling. He took a napkin and dabbed at his fingers. 

"I wonder if Kuroo can feel this too? Maybe I'm just hurting him more." He wondered aloud.

"You're being pretty selfish ya know." Kenma looked up to see Bokuto had returned. 

"What do you mean? How can I be selfish when all I want is for me to stop hurting him?!" 

Bokuto gently took Kenma's hands into his own and tended to his fingers. He cleaned them and then wrapped bandaids around each finger that was bleeding. "Well, maybe selfish wasn't the right word. More self-centered I guess." He squeezed Kenma's hands. "Do you know how hard it is to see your best friend hurting? Yes, you do. Because we have the same best friend, right?" Kenma nodded. "What you don't know is how hard it is to see you think you can take this all on yourself! You can't fix him Kenma, you can't fix your relationship, you can't even fix yourself. Not without help. Stop thinking you can do everything!" Kenma flinched back, the cold truth and Bokuto's harsh way of saying it feeling like a slap. "You can't take everything onto yourself, Kenma." He brushed the hair out of Kenma's face and wiped away the tears that were falling. "You'll end up breaking if you try. Trust me, I know." 

Kenma took a deep breath and looked at Bokuto. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean what I said." 

"Yes, you did." Bikuto chuckled when Kenma started stuttering, trying to find an excuse for that. "But don't worry, I know it wasn't meant for me at least." 

"Do you....do you think it's too late?" 

"Too late?" 

"To work things out, with Kuroo. Do you think I blew any chance of us working it out?" 

"I really don't."

"Hey Bokuto..."

"Yes?" 

"Do you think that maybe you could um, maybe you could help me? You know, find a way to fix things?" 

"Yes, Kenma. I will help you. You didn't even have to ask." Bokuto smiled brightly.

-

-

"I feel ridiculous, Akaashi." Kuroo pouted. 

"But it's working, right?" 

"A little I suppose."

Akaashi laughed and grabbed his hand. "We should head back now, it's late." Kuroo squeezed his hand and nodded, letting Akaashi lead the way back to his house. His throat was scratchy after yelling and he was having trouble keeping his now heavy eyes open. Overall, he felt a little better than he did earlier. 

"Akaashi," he started as they reached his house. "Thank you. And I'm sorry for crying so much and being a pain." He chuckled and rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. 

"Don't mention it. And anyway, it's not bad to cry. In fact, I think it makes a person stronger. Especially if you have the courage to cry in front of someone else."

The two walked back up to Kuroo's room and sat down on his bed. 

"I never expected you to be so, I don't know, open about feelings?" Kuroo said. "I always knew you to be quiet and more serious. I didn't think for a second you would yell out your feelings like that or give good advice." Kuroo put a hand over his mouth and his eyes got wide. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean that in a bad way!" Akaashi just laughed and Kuroo gently smiled. "You know, I'm sure your smiles and laughter are reserved for Bokuto and Bokuto alone, but you have a really nice smile. You should do it more." 

"Alright," Akaashi chuckled. "I think it's time for you to go to bed. You've had a long day." 

"What about you? Where are you going to sleep?" Kuroo asked as he yawned. 

"Your parents aren't home right? I'll just go sleep on the couch in the living room." He stood up and headed for the door. "I'll be up in the morning with tea for that scratchy throat. You just sleep now." 

"Okay," kuroo yawned again and settled onto his bed. "Goodnight." 

"Sleep tight, Kuroo." Akaashi turned off the light and headed downstairs to his makeshift bed. 

**"Hey."**

**"Hey hey hey! How's Kuroo?"**

**"He's sleeping finally. He seems to be feeling a bit better."**

**"Good, I was worried."**

**"I'm still really worried about Kenma though..."**

**"Don't worry about him! I'm taking care of it!"**

**"So I've got one half you have the other?"**

**"Haha, I guess."**

**"When did we turn into relationship therapists for our friends?"**

**"Hahaha"**

**"We better go on a long trip after this and just get away."**

**"You're being awfully bold tonight ;)"**

**"I'm just tired. You should go to sleep too."**

**"I will soon, don't worry."**

**"Okay good. Goodnight Bo, I love you."**

**"I LOVE YOU TOO! <3"**

Akaashi sighed and put down his phone. "The one night his parents aren't home and I can't sleep there. Kuroo and Kenma are so lucky I love them." He chuckled to himself and then wrapped a blanket around his body.

-

-

"Kenma," Bokuto put down his phone and looked at the now sleeping Kenma. "Nevermind." He lightly chuckled. "Come on then, up you go." He gently picked Kenma up and carried him out of the bakery.

"Bokuto!" Hinata ran to meet Bokuto at his front door but went quiet when he saw Kenma sleeping in Bokuto's arms. 

"Shh, he fell asleep already so I just brought him here. I'll be right back." Bokuto silently walked through his house and put Kenma in his bed. 

"So the person you had to go meet was Kenma? Why didn't you tell me?!" Hinata whisper yelled when Bokuto joined him back in the living room. 

"He called me crying so I was worried about him and I didn't want to make you worry too." 

"Do you know how Kuroo is doing?" 

"Akaashi texted and said Kuroo was doing a bit better and that he's sleeping right now," Bokuto said as he stretched out on his couch. 

"And Kenma? How is he doing?" 

"Mm, I think Kenma is gonna take some time. He feels solely responsible for what happened and it took him a while to even accept the help I offered." 

"Right," Hinata said sadly. 

"Let's not worry about them right now though! If we do we won't be able to sleep and I promised Akaashi I'd sleep soon." 

"Before that!" Hinata ran into the kitchen and brought a plate with food on it. "I made you dinner, or a late-night snack, whatever you wanna call it." 

"Hinata! This looks amazing! I didn't know you could cook." Bokuto's mouth started to water as he stared at the food. 

"Well, I sometimes cook for my little sister so I've picked up some of my mom's cooking habits." 

"Okay, I'll eat, and then we can sleep." Bokuto continued to stare at the plate which earned a laugh from Hinata. 

"Works for me." He said. 

-

.

"Hey, Akaashi, wake up." Kuroo tapped Akaashi's shoulder. 

"Yeah, I'm up. What's wrong?" He asked, his words slightly slurred from still being half asleep. 

"My parents came home early this morning and made us breakfast. If you want some come on." 

"Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm coming." Akaashi stood up and folded the blanket he used. "How are you this morning?" He asked as they walked to the kitchen. 

"Um, I think I'm doing a bit better. I'm sorry for last night, it must've been really tiring for you." Kuroo apologized. 

"Don't worry about that. If you're feeling better, being tired is worth it." Akaashi smiled. "I do want to ask you something that may hurt though. Can I?" Kuroo nodded hesitantly. "How is Kenma feeling?" 

"I, I think he's still sleeping right now. I can't really feel anything solid." 

"I'm sure Bokuto will be getting him up any time now." 

"Bokuto? Kenma is with Bo right now?" Kuroo stopped walking. 

"Yeah, he went to go help him last night too." 

"How did you guys even know what happened? I didn't tell you and I'm pretty sure Kenma didn't either sooo..." he trailed off before smiling slightly. "Hinata." 

"Yeah, it was Hinata." Akaashi smiled too. "He doesn't really know boundaries but no one cares as much as him." 

"Okay, enough of this. If we keep talking I'm gonna cry again so let's just go eat." Kuroo resumed walking with Akaashi following behind him. 

"I feel bad I never woke you up with tea as I promised." Akaashi chuckled as they sat together after breakfast. 

"Mm, I'm fine, don't worry. My throat isn't nearly as bad as it was last night." Kuroo hummed.

"That's good then." 

The two sat in comfortable silence before Akaashi said what they both knew had to come eventually. 

"I have to leave, Kuroo." 

Kuroo didn't say anything in response but when his body suddenly jolted like electricity was coursing through him, he definitely cursed. 

"Oh god, what happened?!" Akaashi quickly started assessing his body to make sure nothing major had happened. 

"Kenma." Is all Kuroo said as he wrapped his arms around himself. 

"What's wrong with Kenma?" 

"He's awake," Kuroo said. "Haha, it's funny, do you think he feels my emotions right now too and is hurting?" He laughed emotionlessly. "Do you suppose I'm hurting him right now without even trying? Do you think this is something I do often?" 

"Kuroo, you know you can't overthink like that. Especially without knowing what is really happening." Akaashi walked over to Kuroo's desk and grabbed a notebook and a pen. "Here." He handed the items to the still shivering man. 

"W-what is this for?" 

"You're good at writing down your feelings, right?" Kuroo just nodded. "I want you to write a letter to Kenma explaining exactly how you feel." 

"Akaashi, I can't do that. I can't do something like that and then give it to him. That's too far." 

"I never said anything about giving it to him, now did I" akaashi sighed but smiled. "Just write a letter to Kenma to get your feelings out, but don't give it to him. I have to leave now, but I need to know you will do this." 

"I, I will. I'll write a letter to Kenma." Kuroo grabbed the notebook and pen from Akaashi's hands. 

"Good. That's good." Akaashi smiled again. "Don't do anything dumb or unnecessary and text me if you need me." 

"Thank you, so much." Kuroo hugged Akaashi tightly. "I'll never forget this. I'll definitely pay you back. I would probably still be sobbing on my floor if it wasn't for you." 

"Don't worry about it, you're my friend. I care about you Kuroo. I really do." Akaashi hugged him back, not as tightly but still firm. 

"Okay, okay, go ahead." Kuroo backed away after a moment with a soft laugh. "I've kept you long enough, Bo may just kill me." 

"Just make sure you write that letter and I'll make sure Bokuto doesn't kill you." Akaashi laughed. "Bye, Kuroo." He waved and left the house, heading back to Bokuto's place, not quite ready to face Kenma but knowing he had to help the other half too. 

"Okay," kuroo sat down at his desk and put the notebook on it. He held the pen in his right hand and looked at the paper thinking about what to write. What exactly did he want to tell Kenma? What kind of feelings did he want to pour out? 

_"Kenma. My first and only love. The only person that I will ever love and that I have always put above myself. I’m sorry."_

He sighed and threw his pen on the desk. This was dumb, why would he write something like this that Kenma would never read anyway? What was the point? 

He retreated back to his bed and just lied there for what seemed like hours. The urge to continue writing eventually getting to him though. 

"Oh my god, fine!" He forced himself out of bed and made his way back to his desk. "Just, write. Write all of the feelings. He doesn't need to read it to make it mean something." And so he picked his pen back up and set about to writing. 

-

-

"Bokuto, I'm back." Akaashi walked through Bokuto's house but didn't see anyone. "Bo?" He peeked into Bokuto's room and saw Kenma sleeping in the bed and Bokuto and Hinata sleeping on the floor next to it. "It's 10 am, they're still asleep?" He chuckled and sat down next to his sleeping boyfriend. "You must've had a rough night. I'm proud of you." He sighed happily and rubbed his fingers through Bokuto's hair whose head was now on his shoulder.

"You're here." A sleepy voice hummed next to Akaashi. Bokuto looked up with tired, but happy eyes, and smiled. 

"I'm here." Akaashi nodded and smiled softly back. 

"Hows Kuroo?" Bokuto asked. 

"I'll fill you in later. Just go back to sleep." Akaashi continued to run his fingers through the soft hair. 

"Mmkay." Bokuto nuzzled his face into the crook of Akaashi's neck and fell back asleep with a small, content smile gracing his features. 

"You too, Hinata. Go back to sleep." Akaashi turned his head to look at the small first-year who was sitting up now. 

"Is Kuroo okay?" Hinata asked. "I feel so bad that I left them there last night. I knew something bad was going to happen between them, I could feel it, and yet I still left them alone." 

"It's okay, calm down." Akaashi used his free hand to pet Hinata's fluffy orange hair. "It'll be okay. Just rest for now. We'll all talk later." 

"O-okay. If you say so." Hinata lied down and rested his head on Akaashi's lap. "I'm sorry I got you guys involved." He said quietly. 

"Don't worry about it. I'm glad you got us when you did." Akaashi closed his eyes. One hand was in his boyfriend's hair and the other was in his underclassman's hair, both were so soft and the warmth from the bodies against his lulled him to sleep as well. 

.

.

"Bo, I don't think I can do this," Kuroo said as he moved around his room getting dressed. "It's only been two days, I cannot see him right now. I doubt he can see me right now!"

"Calm down, Bro! It'll be okay." Bokuto's voice said from Kuroo's phone that he had left on his bed. "Just talk to him."

"I _can't_ that's the problem!" Kuroo threw his arms up as a way to emphasize his point. 

"I know you just put your arms up in the air, even though I _can't see you!_ " Bokuto sighed into the phone. 

"You don't know me that well." Kuroo put his arms down slowly and heard Bokuto laugh. 

"Oh, Akaashi just told me to tell you to do what's best for you. He said you don't have to talk to him today if it would be better for you." 

"Ugh, this is too difficult. And what about my team? They're gonna know something is up! They knew we were together before we even told them!" Kuroo sighed heavily and sat down on his bed, grabbing his phone and turning it off of speaker. "I fucked up so badly, what if they start asking questions?"

"Kuroo, take a deep breath oh my god." Bokuto chuckled. "I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think. Just go to school, go to practice, and then go home."

"Bo, I love you, but that is so much easier to say than to do." Kuroo sighed and rubbed his face. 

"Just go to school, Bro. Call me when you're home then." 

"Okay, fine. We'll talk later then." Kuroo hung up and walked outside to go to school. It felt so lonely to be walking to school without Kenma by his side. Their light banter always made the walk more enjoyable, especially when it was colder like this morning. Kuroo wrapped his coat tighter around him and just quickly finished the walk, he was scared he'd run into Kenma on the way. 

-

"Kuroo,"

Kuroo ignored the voice and continued looking at his notes for the class he was currently in. 

"Kuroo, I know you can hear me."

God, he knew that voice and he really just wanted to ignore it. 

"Kuroo, goddammit, stop ignoring me!"

"Hey there, Yakkun," Kuroo sighed and smiled at an angry Yaku who stood over him. 

"Don't you, "Hey Yakkun" me you dumbass!" Yaku growled. 

"Calm down a bit, Yaku. We're still in the classroom." Kai said calmly. "Let's just go outside and talk about it." He suggested. 

"Sure, fine, whatever. Come with us." Yaku walked towards the door and waited for Kai to get Kuroo to move. 

"So, what is this about? We have another class soon." Kuroo wouldn't meet Yaku's gaze because he knew exactly what it was about. 

"Let's see. I got an awfully fun phone call from our underclassman Yamamoto Taketora this morning. You wanna know what he told me?" Kuroo didn't say anything as his panic started to grow. "He told me that Kenma was at home because he refused to get out of bed this morning." Yaku got closer to Kuroo and pushed him against a wall. "Is there any particular reason your boyfriend, your soulmate, would be refusing to get out of bed?"

"I, um-" Kuroo tried to speak but was cut off by Yaku. 

"You wanna know what else I was told? Apparently, Kenma told Yamamoto that he wasn't coming to school because he was trying to avoid someone. You want to know who that someone is?" 

"Yaku, I think you should stop," Kai said from beside him, his tone was less calm than it was earlier. 

"Oh no, I'm just getting started. If this idiot seriously hurt Kenma so badly he's not coming to school then he's gonna hear from me about it."

"I don't think it's so black and white, Yaku. Look at him." Kai pointed out. 

Yaku looked up at Kuroo to see him silently crying. 

"O-oh, uh..." Yaku backed away from Kuroo. "I'm not good with people who are crying." He muttered and walked behind Kai and gave him a little shove. "You comfort him."

"Weren't we here to confront him, not comfort him?" 

"Yeah, we were. Until he started to freaking cry!" 

Kai just chuckled and hugged Kuroo. "You don't have to tell us what happened, but something bad did happen, didn't it?" He asked, which only earned a nod from Kuroo. "You don't have to tell us, but we are here for you. Don't forget that." 

"I just," Kuroo sniffled. "I really fucked up guys." Before he could explain any further, the bell rang signaling the start of the next class. "I'll tell you during lunch." He wiped his eyes and walked back towards the classroom. 

"This is not what I was expecting to come out of this." Yaku said in bewilderment as he and Kai followed after Kuroo. 

"I told you, I don't think it's as black and white as you thought." 

-

After lunch had come and gone and Kuroo told Yaku and Kai what had happened, he skipped the last half of school and just went home. He couldn't stand to be there when he could still feel Kenma hurting all day. 

-

"What's wrong?" Akaashi picked up his ringing phone. 

"It um, it's nothing major I guess. Today just wasn't the best day for me."

"Kuroo, you know I'm always more than willing to help you and be there for you, but Bokuto left school early so I have to lead the team today. Shouldn't you also be at practice?"

"...I didn't go today. I talked with Yaku and Kai and they both agreed me going home was a good idea."

"Ah, I see."

There was silence for a few moments before Kuroo spoke up. 

"Where did Bo go that he had to leave school early?" 

Akaashi froze, he wasn't quite sure if Kuroo was in the right headspace to know exactly what happened. 

"Akaashi?" Kuroo asked. 

"Um," Akaashi sighed and decided the truth was the best idea. "He went over to Kozume"s place today. He called Bokuto and asked if he could go over there. He didn't sound too good, so Bokuto agreed." 

"Oh..." Kuroo said sadly, finally fitting the pieces together as to what was really going on with Kenma. 

"Kuroo-"

"Akaashi, we have to start practice! You coming, man?" A voice interrupted him.

"Yeah, I'm coming Konoha! Just give me a minute," Akaashi called back. 

"You have to go right?"

"Kuroo, I-"

"No, it's fine. Really. You go be a captain, we can talk later." 

"Wait, no,"

"Have fun!" Kuroo said and then hung up. 

"God," Akaashi sighed and put down his phone. "These two are going to give me a migraine." He rubbed his temples before joining the rest of his team for practice. 

-

"Kenma, you should rest now. Why are you still on your phone?" Bokuto placed a mug on the bedside table next to Kenma and then sat down on the bed. 

"I'm fine now. And I'm texting Tora." Kenma ignored the mug and turned away from Bokuto's piercing glare. 

"You have a fever, Kenma. You're not fine, you've made yourself actually sick from what's happened. You should've called me earlier." 

"I didn't even tell my parents I was sick, why would I tell you instead?" 

"I am going to pretend you didn't just imply we are not close enough for you to tell me these things, because you are sick." Bokuto crossed his arms. 

"Sorry." Kenma's face fell and he felt himself start to tear up. "I just, I know I deserve this. I didn't want to make anyone worry because of something I had coming to me." 

Bokuto's features softened and he reached out to push some hair out of Kenma's face. "Never say that. Never say you deserve something like this. You were looking out for yourself and Kuroo, this is not something you had coming to you because of that." 

"Did you talk to him at all today?" Kenma brushed Bokuto's hand away from him. 

"You shouldn't do that."

"Do what?"

"You're sick right now because of what's been happening. You should be worrying about yourself." Bokuto pulled his hand away. "And you have a pretty bad fever, so you need to rest too." 

"Bokuto, you said you'd help me fix things right? Ignoring what happened isn't exactly helping." 

"Kenma, when I said I'd help you I never expected you to get sick." Bokuto sighed and stood up. "And I never expected your parents to be out all week so you're by yourself."

"Well, normally when my parents are gone Kuroo would come over and stay with me..."

"Oh.." 

The two sat in a kind of uncomfortable silence before Kenma finally sat up and glared at Bokuto.

"You don't have to stay here, you know." He said with a frown. "Just go home, or," He looked at the time. "Or go to practice or something."

"But Kenmaaa you're siicckkk," Bokuto whined. 

"And you're going to make me worse," Kenma pinched the bridge of his nose. 

"Fine, fine, I'll leave. But on one condition."

"And that is?" Kenma looked at him. 

"Have someone come over with you."

"Bokuto, I can't do that." 

"You had me come over just fine though!" Bokuto crossed his arms. He was so worried about Kenma right now he really did not want to leave. 

"I didn't have you come over. I called you and you decided to come over on your own." Kenma sighed, he was doing a lot of that recently. 

"Fine, how's this. You call someone over or I will call Akaashi and we'll have a sleepover." Bokuto had a mischievous glint in his eye as he gave Kenma his ultimatum. 

"Fine, whatever. I'll call Tora or Fukunaga. Just go home, Bokuto." Kenma finally grabbed the mug Bokuto placed next to him. "And I will drink this so stop worrying." He took a long sip just to prove his point. 

Bokuto, now satisfied, rubbed Kenma's head and then stood up. "I'll head out then. Don't hesitate to call me if there's anything you need. I don't live too far from you, I can and will run here."

"God, I know you would." Kenma chuckled. "Now go, go." He waved Bokuto out of his room with a small smile. But as soon as Bokuto was gone, his smile fell and he closed his eyes. He was so tired, he was so _done_ at this point. What did he do to deserve any of this? Actually, no. Why did he have to fuck up and ruin everything? He and Kuroo were okay before he decided to confront him. They were okay. Right?

-

**_A Week Later_ **

Kenma sat on his bed, eyes faced forward and glazed over, barely maintaining focus on the game in front of him. He was somewhat aware of his character doing a roundhouse kick on the NPC that was opposite him on the screen. Normally he would feel nothing but ecstatic at the feeling of beating the opponent, but that had been reserved for when the opponent was Kuroo, who had been his perpetual player 2 for so many years he’d lost count. Where he would typically hoop and holler and rub the win in his best friend’s face, the “TKO” flashing across the screen inspired nothing more than a weak “wooh” as he flopped onto his back on the bed. 

“What am I even doing?” He wondered aloud. His heart hurt and he could feel his soulmate hurting too. The sight of the empty space on the bed next to him and the untouched red controller that his nerd of a soulmate insisted on using or else he wouldn’t play, was painful and left etches on his very being, on his existence as a whole. He wanted nothing more than to run to Kuroo’s house and wrap him up in his arms and tell him that everything would be okay but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do that to Kuroo or to himself, at least not when he wasn’t even sure if it would be. 

This was when the sadness morphed into anger. “It’s all his fault that we’re in this stupid fucking situation to begin with!” Kenma screamed into his pillow. “If he had just been honest with me...” he trailed off as he bit his lip to stop the tears from escaping his quickly-clouding eyes. “I knew that I was hurting him. I’m not stupid. You could never hurt me? Bullshit.” He muttered, trailing off at the end. “Bullshit!” He yelled this time, throwing the red controller, watching as it split into pieces, wires now exposed and mimicking the way that Kenma felt on the inside. 

Shit, shit, shit, he thought as he quickly scrambled to pick up the pieces, praying to every god that he could think of that it would be okay and that his parents downstairs had not heard. He’d barely spoken to them since the breakup, to no fault of their own. He hadn’t spoken to anyone, really, only once to Tora to let him know what had happened between him and his other half. Kenma knew that his parents were already worried about him, he could hear their concerned whispers when they didn’t think he was listening, and he knew that if they’d heard the incident with the controller just then that they’d force him to open up or seek help and that was the last thing he wanted right now. He loved his parents but no. 

The sound of heavy steps coming up the stairs snapped him out of his stupor as he swept the controller under his bed, already thinking up some excuse that he could tell his dad to get out of opening up. He’d tripped over his chair was all. He needed to clean his room anyway. Believable enough. 

Kenma sat back down on his bed when he heard a knock on the door and muttered a quiet “come in.” However, the place where he expected to see the smaller frame of his father, was replaced with the sight of a large, owl-like nuisance, seemingly vibrating in place. 

“Hey hey hey buddy!” Bokuto half-shouted, but with less enthusiasm, surely walking on eggshells around Kenma, “mind if I come in?” he added more softly. 

“What are you doing here?” the smaller boy asked, cocking an eyebrow at the unwelcome visitor. 

“Well, ya see,” Bokuto fidgeted with his hands, “I had stopped by to check on you and was catching up with your parents when we kinda...heard a bit of a crash.” 

Kenna’s eyes widened. Shit, so they did hear. 

“And well,” the older boy continued, “they were going to come up and check on you, they said they didn’t know what was going on with you lately, so I offered to come up instead. I figured if you wanted them to know what was going on that they would know, and it didn’t seem like they did.” 

“Thanks...” Kenma said in a small voice and then added, “I’m sorry that I said that I wanted your help the other day and then kind of ghosted you .” 

“Hey it’s alright, buddy” Bokuto gestured to the bed, asking for permission to sit and Kenma simply nodded, “I know you didn’t mean it,” he laughed out as he flopped onto the bed, nearly popping the setter off the other side. “So why don’t you tell me what’s up.” Bokuto grew more serious now. “What was that sound earlier?”

Kenma looked down, not wanting to meet the other’s eyes, “I...I got mad...and I broke Kuroo’s controller...no,   
my controller” he corrected himself, “no, Kuroo’s controller,” he retracted under his breath a few seconds later, just low enough that the other wasn’t able to hear. He pulled the controller out from under his bed and placed it on the bed between the two of them. 

“Oh! That doesn’t look too bad! I think I might actually be able to fix it,” Bokuto beamed at him as his fingers began tinkering away at the object. Kenma wondered why Bokuto was so adamant on helping him but figured that he was just doing so out of loyalty to his best bro. He’s probably just doing this for Kuroo, it’s not like the two of us have ever been very close. I should just ask him to leave, tell him he doesn’t need to be... his thoughts were cut off when the sound of clicking stopped and he felt a new weight on his lap. When he looked down, he saw the red controller looking almost as good as new. 

“Well hot damn, you actually did it,” he laughed out in disbelief. 

“Yeah! I’ve always been surprisingly good at fixing things! So whaddya think?” he asked with an eyebrow-wiggle. 

“I think I still want to break it.”

“Oh...” the wiggling stopped. Bokuto, for the first time since Kenma had met him, had been rendered speechless. 

“I’m sorry Bokuto. I really am grateful that you fixed this for me. It means more to me than you know,” he paused, taking a deep breath in preparation for the word vomit. “I just. My heart hurts, Bokuto. Like a lot. Like a stinging pain that runs through my very being when I think about him.”

“Do you need to go to the hospital or talk to someone professional? If it’s that bad Kenma, I think...”

“No it’s nothing like that. It’s just. I’m heartbroken. I feel like my world has been torn apart.” The words didn’t want to stop. “And the funny thing is I should be sad. I am sad. But even more than that I’m just mad. I’m mad at Kuroo for not being honest with me. I’m mad at myself for putting us in this situation. I’m mad at the world for not making soulmates indestructible and perfect. I’m just mad.”

Bokuto sat in silence and listened to Kenma speak for a while, becoming lost in thought, himself. The similarities between he and the boy next to him were a bit jarring in this situation. When he and Akaashi had been fighting, Bokuto was sad, of course, but more so than that he was just angry. His teammates had quickly caught on quick to the fact that it was not just his normal “emo mode.”

 _Think, Bo, you need to think. You need to help him. You were him._ Suddenly he knew what to do and a grin spread across his face. 

“That’s creepy, Bokuto,” Kenma sounded annoyed. 

“Kenma, my dear friend. Did I ever tell you about how I went about relieving some of my frustration when me and Akaashi weren’t seeing each other?” 

“Umm, Bokuto, I’m not sure if we’re that close...” but he was interrupted as the other man continued his thought. 

“My teammates had noticed that I was angry, a lot like you are now. And one day after school one of my buddies, Konoha, dragged me to his house and into his basement. Part of me definitely thought he was about to murder me,” Bokuto chuckled, “but you’ll never believe what I walked down to,” he looked Kenma dead in the eyes. “A punching bag...with Akaashi’s face on it!” The chuckle quickly changed to a booming laughter that almost took the spiker to the floor. 

Bokuto sat up quickly, once again staring almost seemingly into Kenma’s very soul. “So that’s what we’re going to do.” 

It was Kenma’s turn to be at a loss for words. He shook his head to regain his composure, “I am not hitting a punching bag with Kuroo’s face on it,” he frowned. 

“I know! We’re going to do this instead,” Bokuto smirked and turned his head to the TV screen where a scarily-accurate Samurai version of Kuroo with somehow even more ridiculous hair was eagerly waiting to be put in the game opposite of Kenma’s avatar. “I’m going to press play and then set the controller down. You do whatever the hell you wanna do to the bastard. Roundhouse kick the shit out of him, punch his head straight off, scream and yell at him until he cries. I’m gonna enjoy myself either way so just do whatever you need to, however long you need to. I’ll be here the whole time.” Bokuto gave Kenma a sincere smile and pressed play. 

Almost immediately Kenma punched “Kuroo” straight up and pushed him into the ground while shouting various profanities at the screen, earning a quick TKO. He and Bokuto laughed until they were doubled over, the simple act of breathing becoming painful. 

Kenma looked up at his senior, still smiling but a bit more serious now. “Thanks, Bokuto, I really appreciate this. Like a lot.”

“No problem, buddy! I’ll just be happy if this helps you, even just a little bit.”

“Why are you so adamant about helping me?” Kenma asked with a serious face, “I’m not Kuroo. It’s not like I’ve ever especially made an effort to get close to you. So why?” 

“Because I care about you, dude. Like a lot. Like as more than just my best bro’s soulmate. Like as Kenma. And I kind of feel like I know how you feel. I want to help you, even if it’s just a little bit. Even if it’s just for now, beating the shit out of this character that Kuroo wishes he was half as cool as.” Bokuto placed a hand on Kenma’s shoulder and smiled. 

“Thanks, Bokuto,” Kenma gave a genuine smile in response. 

“Don’t mention it, buddy. Sooo...round two?”

“Hell yes.”

-

_** January ** _

"Kenma, please, we need to talk about this." Kuroo followed Kenma through the hallways. "Please pay attention to me." Kuroo pleaded.  
  
Kenma sighed and stopped walking. His eyes were red from lack of sleep and crying though so he refused to turn around and face him.  
  
"I know you must hate me, and I don't blame you. At this point, I hate me too. I hurt you, Kenma, to the point you, you broke up with me. If I could go back I would. If I could go back and just be honest I would. If I could go back and never say those things I did during our fight I would. But I cant." Kuroo closed his eyes and was preparing to say more.  
  
"Shut up." Kenma rubbed his face and finally turned around.  
  
"Kenma you look horrible!" Kuroo slapped his mouth shut and silently cursed himself for letting that slip out.  
  
"Wow, thanks." Kenma rolled his eyes.  
  
"Sorry.." kuroo muttered.  
  
"I'm so done with that!" Kenma balled his hands into fists.  
  
"Done with what? Me...?" Kuroo asked sadly.  
  
"No, _that!_ Stop apologizing already!"  
  
"What..?" The confusion Kuroo felt in this moment was etched into every feature of his face. His lips were turned down and his eyes were looking everywhere except focusing on Kenma. His nose was crinkled slightly and his eyebrows were knit together. He was wracking his brain to try and understand what exactly Kenma meant.  
  
"Stop apologizing already! You didn't-!" Kenma swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. "You didn't do anything wrong you, idiot." He chuckled lightly. "I fucked up so badly. I turned everything on you. I even got you thinking you're the one who messed everything up." He sighed. "God. We are just quite the pair aren't we?"  
  
"You didn't mess anything up! I hurt _you_ but you-"  
  
"Let me guess," kenma stepped closer to Kuroo and narrowed his eyes. "I could never hurt you. Right?" Kuroo backed away and swallowed nervously. "You know, I actually thought that if I acted like it didn't matter, then it wouldn't. I thought that avoiding you for the past month would be a good idea."  
  
"And now?" Kuroo asked, his nervousness still very apparent.  
  
"Now I know that avoiding you just made things worse."  
  
"What we needed was to talk things through, we still do."  
  
"Ha, that's easier said than done. We've never really been big on the whole talking our feelings out with each other."  
  
"We should've been."  
  
Kenma rubbed his face again and sighed. "I know."

"You're being, awfully candid right now," Kuroo mumbled.  
  
"Well fuck, Kuroo. What do you want from me? I'm exhausted. I'm so tired of this whole situation. I had to play games with Bokuto, _Bokuto b_ ecause you weren't there to play with." Kenma hissed. "And he was actually _helpful!_ It was so frustrating how helpful he was!" He groaned earning a light laugh from Kuroo.  
  
"Bo was helping you? You let him game with you?" He asked in almost disbelief.  
  
"He didn't really give me a choice in the matter."  
  
Kuroo laughed which made Kenma shoot a glare at him. "Jeez Kenma, if looks could kill." Kuroo joked. "But seriously, that's hilarious cause I had Akaashi helping me. No wonder he seemed so irritated. Even if he got free of me, he wouldn't have Bokuto back."  
  
"God, what are we doing Kuroo?" Kenma asked. He didn't like how normal they were being with each other.  
  
"..I don't know." Kuroo's smile faded and he looked down. Acting normal while still technically fighting was not at all what he wanted. "I want to fix things between us!" He still wouldn't look up. "But, I don't know how."

"We have to meet each other halfway to fix things, Kuroo. I'm sure Akaashi, being the reasonable guy he is, already told you that. But I can't right now." Kenma stepped away from Kuroo. "I know I messed everything up, I know I'm the one who broke up with you, and asking this is so mean of me, but please give me some more time."

"Kenma-" Kuroo finally looked up with tears threatening to fall down his face. 

"I just, my heart hurts so bad Kuroo. I know I did it to myself, but it's taking all I have to be here with you right now. I just don't feel well enough to make any important decisions today."

"So then, are we completely done?"

"No," Kenma smiled sadly. "I just need some time is all. I need to know I can trust you again. That I can trust you to be honest with me, especially when I hurt you." He turned around. "We can talk soon, okay? When I feel well enough to properly talk about it. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, that's okay with me. I can wait for as long as it takes if it means I can get you back." Kuroo said. "And Kenma, please take care of yourself. I know I was rude when I said it earlier, but you seriously don't look so good right now." Kuroo looked at his pale skin and remembered his bloodshot eyes.

"Thanks, Kuroo, and don't worry, I'll be fine." Kenma said and then left the school, leaving Kuroo with nothing more than the faint glimpse of his back. 

-

"God, Akaashi, something was off today." Kuroo sighed into the phone. 

"I'm sure it was nothing serious." Akaashi yawned. "I am proud of you for talking to him like that. To be quite honest, after a month I wasn't sure you were ever going to be able to talk to him like that." 

"Wow," Kuroo chuckled. "Thanks for having confidence in me, man." 

"Wait, no, I'm sorry. That came out harsh." Akaashi stuttered. 

"Nah, it's fine. I can tell you're really tired. I'll let you go to sleep, make sure Bo doesn't keep you up too long." 

"I can hear you winking over there." Akaashi sighed which just made Kuroo laugh. "You go to sleep soon too."

"I'll try, but I'm serious Akaashi, something just feels so _off_ right now."

"Just try to relax. Call me in the morning okay?"

"Yeah, sure. Good night!"

"Sleep tight, Kuroo. And again, I am very proud of you."

"Thanks." Kuroo smiled to himself and then hung up the phone. He lied down in bed and forced himself to go to sleep, that uneasy feeling never quite leaving his body. 

.

"Kuroo." Someone shook his shoulders forcefully. "Kuroo wake up right now!"  
  
"Oh my god, I'm awake. What the hell is wrong?!" Kuroo sat up in his bed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "Yaku?" He asked once his eyes focused and he could see who dared to violently wake him up.  
  
"There's a problem. A big one." Is all Yaku said as he dragged Kuroo out of his bed. "Get dressed right now, we have to go to the hospital."  
  
"The hospital?!" Kuroo jumped up and quickly got dressed. "Why are we going to the fucking hospital?!" Yaku refused to answer him, his face was just set in a straight line. "Yaku, I swear to GOD-!" Kuroo started to threaten before Yaku grabbed his wrists and made Kuroo look at him.

"I can't, I can't be the one to tell you. Kuroo, just trust me and hurry the fuck up." Yaku said before leaving the house with Kuroo hot on his heels.  
  
When they reached the hospital, Yaku rushed through the hallways towards a room. He entered the room quickly and before Kuroo could also enter the room, Kai stepped outside and blocked his way.  
  
"Kai, thank god, someone reasonable. Please, would you kindly tell me what the fuck is going on?! Why the hell did I have to rush to the hospital at 5 am?!"  
  
"Kuroo-" kai said gently.  
  
"Who is in there?!"  
  
"Kuroo, it's," Kai took a breath before continuing. "It's Kenma."  
  
Kuroo felt time slow down as he processed what Kai just told him. "You're lying." He said. "I don't feel anything from him that would suggest he'd be in the hospital! Why are you lying to me right now?! It's not funny Kai!" He felt tears pricking the corners of his eyes.  
  
Kai just stood there and took it as Kuroo threw punch after punch at him. "You had better tell me you're lying right now! I'm gonna go in there and see that this was all some kind of prank and Kenma is in his room at home gaming because he's an adorable idiot who games instead of sleeps. That's what's gonna happen, right Kai? Right?!"  
  
"Kuroo, I'm so sorry." Is all Kai said as he stepped aside and gave Kuroo access to the door, which he opened right away.  
  
If time had already been slowing down, seeing Kenma hooked up to multiple machines and a ventilator breathing for him definitely made it stop altogether.

"Kenma...?"  
  
"Kuroo, don't." A voice said. He couldn't make out who it was though because it sounded all muffled as the blood pounded in his ears.  
  
This isn't real, right?" Kuroo somehow made his way to Kenma's bedside and grabbed one of his pale hands. It was so thin he could feel every bone as he grasped it. "How did this, how did it. How-?"  
  
"Stress-induced cardiomyopathy."

"What?" Kuroo slowly turned around at the new voice and saw a doctor standing there.  
  
"In simple terms, Kozume is dying from a broken heart."  
  
"That's not real, that's not a thing. He's not dying. How dare you even suggest that!"  
  
"Kuroo, he's the doctor. He knows what he's talking about."  
  
"Shut up, Yaku! He doesn't know anything!"

"I take it you're the soulmate then?" The doctor asked gently. "I am so sorry for your loss."  
  
"He's not dead!" Kuroo protested.  
  
"Not yet, but with his condition, heart failure is imminent. You only have a very short amount of time. We have put him in a medically induced coma so that he could pass peacefully and without pain."  
  
"This is insane! You're all crazy, Kenma wouldn't just die like that! He wouldn't just leave me, like, that..." Kuroo's voice faded out as his vision started to get cloudy. He blinked and felt hot tears stream down his face. "He wouldn't... He-" Kuroo fell to his knees. "He's not..." sobs started to rack through his whole body.  
  
"Breathe, we're here for you." Kai sat down next to him and wrapped his arms around Kuroo's violently shaking body. "Just breathe." Kai repeated gently.  
  
"What happened? Who, who brought him? How did this even happen?" Kuroo asked after he had gotten his breathing under control a bit.  
  
"I, I brought him." Tora stepped to the front of the group. His usual confident voice and tough appearance were replaced with a weak voice and a messy and tear-stained appearance.  
  
"What happened, Yamamoto? Please tell me." Kai still had his arm around Kuroo and refused to leave as Tora also sat down on the floor.  
  
"His parents, they called me and said I had to go there. I of course went, but I never thought id see what I did. When I got there, Kenma was," Tora stifled a sob. "Kenma was being put in an ambulance. He was unconscious. I didn't have time to think as his parents pushed me onto the ambulance with him. He crashed multiple, multiple times. I heard someone say they didn't think he'd, um, make it till we got here. As soon as I got here I called Yaku so he could get you. And now we're here." Tora finally let his tears flow after telling Kuroo what all had happened. "I'm so sorry, I should've called you first." He sobbed.  
  
Kuroo didn't say anything as he slowly stood up. His balance wasn't the best so Lev, finally quiet for once, helped him walk over to the hospital bed. "Why was i the last to know?" Kuroo asked quietly. "He's my best friend." His voice got a bit louder. "He's my goddamn soulmate! I should've been told first! I should've been here sooner. I should've-" his voice broke as he looked down at Kenma. He reached out a shaking hand and brushed some hair out of Kenma's face. Him being in a coma explained the lack of feelings Kuroo felt. "I should've told you once more how much I love you." He leaned his forehead against Kenma's and watched as his tears bounced off of the pale, cool skin. He seemed dead already. He _felt_ dead already. And there was nothing Kuroo, or anyone else could do to change that.  
  
"Kuroo, I-" Tora tried to speak but was interrupted by a sudden loud beeping coming from one of the monitors attached to Kenma.  
  
"What does, what does that mean?!" Kuroo looked around wildly and quickly spotted the doctor walking over slowly.  
  
"It's the heart monitor, his heart has stopped beating." The doctor told him.  
  
"Well do something about it! You're the doctor! Save him! Get his heart to start again!"  
  
"I cant." The doctor said gently as he just went around turning off the monitors and stopped the beeping. "I am so very sorry for your loss."  
  
"My..." kuroo felt tears fall down his face more. "My loss...?" his legs gave out and Lev caught him, holding up the limp body of his captain. "He's dead...?" He grabbed at Lev's jacket and looked up into his eyes. "He's dead?" Lev just nodded, his tears falling faster as he looked at his sobbing upperclassmen. "Kenma?" Kuroo pushed Lev off of him and stumbled back to Kenma's bedside.  
  
"Tetsurou..." a distant voice said his name sadly.

"Kenma, open your eyes." His wavering voice got a bit stronger as the anger set in. "Open your damn eyes! Don't you dare leave me!" Arms wrapped around his waist in a tight hug and he started crying again. "Not like this, please...!"  
  
"Tetsurou, come on."  
  
Kuroo finally focused on the voice that was saying his name and turned his head to see his older sister hugging him tightly.  
  
"...what?"  
  
"I called her," Yaku said. "You have to go home, Kuroo."  
  
"Go home? Go home?! You expect me to leave him here like this?!"  
  
"You can't stay here!" Yaku yelled at him and Kuroo shut his mouth. His lips pressed firmly into a tight line as he tried to suppress the big tears that still rolled down his face. "You cannot stay here, Kuroo. You just can't." Yaku opened the door. "Please take him home." He said to Kuroo's sister, his pleading eyes telling her he wanted him gone before everyone else broke down too.  
  
She guided her brother out of the room with the help of Kai who supported one side and she had the other. Kuroo didn't speak, he didn't even look up, he just let himself pretty much be dragged out of the hospital by his sister and close friend.  
  
"Tetsurou, you have to say something. Please don't internalize this." She looked at him through the mirror in her car as she drove Kuroo home. His eyes were glazed over and he didn't even make any move to confirm he had heard her. "Tetsu..." she said sadly.

.

.

"Come on, you." Yaku pulled the blankets off of Kuroo. "You can't stay here like this forever."  
  
"What else am I supposed to do anymore..?" Kuroo asked. His voice was almost devoid of emotion and it scared Yaku to his core. Three years of knowing him never prepared him for how to help this kind of Kuroo.  
  
"Well, let's start with a shower." Yaku regained his composure and continued pulling his tall friend out of his bed. "You really stink man."

"Sure, whatever." Kuroo agreed. It wasn't even really Kuroo though, not anymore. Everything that made him whole was Kenma, without him Kuroo was nothing more than an empty shell of who he once was.  
  
After a shower and Yaku and Kuroo's sister somehow shoved food down his throat, Yaku was dragging him to school.  
  
"Your life cant go on pause forever. It's our third year and you need to get into university." Was Yaku's explanation as he pulled Kuroo towards the school. Of course, there were ulterior motives; Nekoma was having a memorial service for Kenma that day and Yaku said that Kuroo would regret it till the day he died if he missed it.  
  
School, memorial service, lunch, school, home. School, lunch, school, practice, home.

Every day was the same, every day passed with Kuroo just doing the motions. He didn't care anymore, he didn't even realize how much time was passing. What he did notice was what the increasing lack of sleep was doing to him.

.

.

"Kuroo, you can't keep doing this to yourself."  
  
"How else am I supposed to see you?"  
  
"You have to sleep though."  
  
"Kenma..." kuroo closed his eyes and imagined he could feel the Kenma hallucination brushing his cheek.

"I know you miss me but this isn't healthy."  
  
"Ha.." he sighed. "That's what you said when you broke up with me." Kuroo opened his eyes and saw Kenma sitting on the chair across from his bed. "I guess I really don't know how to do anything healthily when it comes to you."  
  
"But Kuroo, this isn't just affecting you anymore."  
  
"Shh," he stood up and wobbled slightly before balancing. "I know that."  
  
"Then why? Why are you hurting yourself and those around you? Yaku and Kai are so worried about you. Your sister is terrified for you. Just, why Kuroo?"  
  
"I can't care about them right now."  
  
"What about yourself then?"

"I can't care about myself either."  
  
"Why Kuroo?" Kenma stood up and closed the gap between him and Kuroo.  
  
"Because this is the only way I can see you! I lost you. You left me! I can't just accept that and move on with my life. I can't even _feel_ anything anymore. You took all of my emotions with you!" Kuroo sank to the ground.

"Kuroo, you can see me again. In a way that is healthier than this." Kenma crouched in front of him.  
  
"What?" Kuroo looked up at Kenma.  
  
"Just go to sleep."  
  
"Kenma-"

"No, listen to me. Just go to sleep, Kuroo."  
  
"I can't though!"  
  
"Yes, you can!" Kenma leaned down and put his forehead against Kuroo's. "Just, close your eyes. You'll see me again."  
  
"If you promise," Kuroo whispered and closed his eyes. "Just please don't leave me again." He said.  
  
"I won't." Kenma pushed Kuroo to lie down on his lap and stroked his hair. "I promise."  
  
Kuroo felt his consciousness fade as the feeling of Kenma running his fingers through his hair lulled him to sleep for the first time in weeks.

.

  
"AAH!" Kuroo sat up in his bed with hot tears running down his pale face. A cold sweat had soaked his blanket and he was shaking nonstop. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Holy shit. What the fuck." He looked around wildly. "Kenma? KenKen!" He scrambled out of bed and scanned his room for Kenma. "No, you promised!" He ripped his door open and ran outside.

-

-

  
"Oh my god! Kuroo what's wrong?!" Akaashi pulled the shaking man inside Bokuto's house with worry written all over his features.  
  
"He-he's not- I didn't- I-!" Kuroo stuttered as his shaking got worse and sobs wracked his whole body.

"Okay, okay, breathe. It's okay, come on." Akaashi soothed as he led Kuroo to Bokuto's room.  
  
"Bo. Bokuto, wake up." Akaashi nudged the sleeping Bokuto.  
  
"Wh-what?" Bokuto sat up and his sleepiness immediately disappeared when he saw his best friend hugging himself tightly with tears pouring down his face and his body shaking like a leaf. "Kuroo?!" Bokuto wrapped his strong arms around him and hugged him tightly. "What happened?!" He looked at Akaashi, hoping for some kind of explanation. He'd never seen his best friend like this, never once had he seen him so t _errified._  
  
"I don't know, he can't speak properly," Akaashi explained. "I'll make him some tea to calm him down, can you stay with him like that?"

"Yes, of course." Bokuto nodded and tightened his embrace. "You're okay, man. You'll be okay." He soothed. 

.

"What the fuck?!" Kenma sat up quickly. Something was so wrong right now. He felt like he was burning from the inside out, he felt like he was dying. "Kuroo-!" Kenma didn't have time to think as he ran from his house towards Kuroo's.  
  
The house itself was dark as Kenma made his way quickly through it towards Kuroo's room. The half-opened door to his room only made Kenma worry even more.  
  
"You've got to be kidding me!" He yelled in frustration when he saw no one in the room. The burning sensation he felt was slowly subsiding but his concern was just growing. If kuroo wasn't at home, did he leave his house in the middle of the night? And if so, where the hell did he go?!  
  
Kenma looked around the room and picked up the blanket that was thrown on the floor as he tried to think things through.  
  
"His bed is a mess, his door wasn't closed, the house wasn't even locked! Where the fuck is he?!" Kenma balled his hands into fists and punched one of Kuroo's pillows.

"God, okay, breathe." He stepped back and tried to get his anger under control. "Just think." He closed his eyes and thought for a moment before quickly grabbing his phone. "I'll call him!" He dialed Kuroo's number but jumped slightly when the ringtone came from Kuroo's desk instead. "Goddammit!" He cursed as he picked up the phone. "He even left his phone here?!" Kenma was starting to get even more upset before he saw a piece of paper folded on the desk. "Maybe he wrote down where he was going?" It was an irrational thought based on the state of the room and the phone left at home, but he wanted to believe Kuroo was okay enough to write something down.

"Wait, what the-?" Kenma's eyes scanned the paper and tears started to well up as he read it.  
  
 _"Kenma. My first and only love. The only person that I will ever love and that I have always put above myself. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for acting like everything has always been okay because it hasn’t. I’m sorry for always putting your feelings above my own because I now know that it hurts you more than I had ever intended. I never wanted to hurt you. I’m sorry for being an ass when you just wanted me to be honest. I’ll never make that mistake again. Hell, I don’t even know if you’ll allow me another chance to mess up or say the wrong thing or get into a pointless argument with you over milkshake mix-ups or hold you and stroke your hair while you’re playing games and admire your face when you’re really getting into it and the little thing you do where you stick out your tongue when you lose even though you don’t even know you are. I don’t know if I’ll ever be allowed to call you mine again and that scares the shit out of me KenKen. Fuck, do I even have the right to call you that? I’m so, so sorry that I couldn’t just be honest with you. It took talking to fucking Hinata for me to even know that something was up, when I should’ve known from the very beginning. We’re soulmates for Christ sake! I’m sorry your soulmate is so shitty. I’m sorry I can’t be there right now to wipe your tears because I’m the reason that they’re falling and the thought of that makes me want to die. I know that you’re not going to read this, I can’t do this to you right now, I’ve done enough, but if you give me another chance even though I don’t deserve one, I promise to be the most honest man you have ever known, my love. I won’t ever hide my feelings again, I’ll shout them from the top of the world if that’s what it takes. Kenma, you’re worth so much more than how I’ve treated you. You’re my love, my life, the very blood that flows in my veins and I need you. I’m nothing without you. I can only hope that there is some ounce of uncommon sense that pushes you back to me, to my arms, but no matter what happens now I will accept. Whether you choose to forgive me or push me away will be okay, as long as I know that you’re okay. I love you. I’m sorry."_  
  
"Kuroo..." Kenma put down the paper and wiped his eyes. "I never gave you the chance to explain and now I can't find you to let you. I really fucked up, didn't I?" He let out a strange mix of a laugh and a sob before another wave of burning erupted inside him. "Ugh-!" He grunted and doubled over in pain. "This is no time to wallow in self-pity. My soulmate is in pain." He started to walk towards the door when it hit him. "And I know where he'd go when in pain!" Kenma ran out of the house, making sure to lock the door, and headed towards the only place he could think of that Kuroo would go to if he was in such a vulnerable state.

.

"Oh my god, oh my god. Akaashi, it was so real. I still can't, I can't-" Kuroo tried to take deep breathes but each one became more shallow than the last.

"Shh, it's okay. You're okay. Kenma is okay. Everything is okay Kuroo." Akaashi pulled the trembling man into a tight hug. "Just breathe." He tried to get Kuroo to match his own breathing but it just wasn't working. "Do you want me to call Kenma?" Kuroo's eyes shot open and he shook his head aggressively. "Okay, okay. That's fine. But I have to do something."

"Akaashi, we have a problem." Bokuto poked his head into the room with a panicked look.

"More important than this problem?!" He was finally reaching his breaking point. The constant worry he'd been feeling for two months finally getting to him.

"It's actually, connected to this problem." Bokuto looked away and said quietly.

"Okay, Kuroo," he squeezed the tall man. "Kuroo, look at me." Kuroo, still trembling and unable to breathe evenly, looked up at Akaashi. "I need to go and deal with this. Will you be okay by yourself?"

"I, I'm sorry. I should be, be fine." He breathed out.

Akaashi gently loosened his grip. "I will be back in just a minute." He put his hand on Kuroo's cheeks and assured him with a smile.

"O-okay."

Akaashi left the room and followed Bokuto to the front door.

"Oh my god." He said in defeat when he saw who was there. "Kenma, what's wrong?"

"I felt um, I felt the strongest negative emotions I ever have from him. I went, to his house but he wasn't there. I thought maybe here." Kenma stumbled around his words as he spoke. "It felt like he was _dying_ Akaashi."

"He's not dying, I promise. And yes, he is here."

"What happened? Why is he feeling like this? Did something happen? Did someone hurt him?!" Kenma started pacing.

"He-he's here isn't he?" A shaky voice asked from down the hall.

"Kuroo, oh you're okay! I mean, you don't look okay but you're okay!" Kenma ran to him and looked him over. "What happened? I just saw you earlier and you were fine. Why do you feel so hurt?!"

Kuroo looked at Bokuto and Akaashi weakly.

"I promise we didn't call him," Akaashi assured him.

"K-Kenma, you are okay. Right?" He asked slowly.

"I'm fine, it's you I'm worried about! Not once have I ever felt emotions like this."

"Did you, did you run here?"

"Yes of course I did. I can't drive and it's too late to ask my parents too."

"So you do still love me?"

"What kind of question is that..?" Kenma looked away.

"Look at me." Kuroo put his hands on both sides of Kenma's face and looked at him. His crying had subsided and he was feeling somewhat confident again. "Do you still love me?"

"Kuroo, I never stopped."

"But you-"

"I broke up with you." Kenma finished sadly. "I said that we needed time, I never said I didn't love you. Is that what tonight is about? Did you think I didn't love you?" Kenma put his hands over Kuroo's.

"No, that isn't it. I just, I had a dream, a nightmare. I watched you die. It felt, god, it felt so real. I actually thought you were gone." Kuroo started tearing up again and his hands dropped. "I can't lose you, Kenma. You mean too much to me."

"Kuroo, I love you, I really do. I never gave you the chance to explain anything... I just assumed. But like I said yesterday, I can't be with you if you're still going to hurt yourself and lie to both of us because of me."

"No, no! Kenma, I'm not going to do that anymore! I, I'm willing to be completely honest with you from now on. I promise!"

"You promise?"

"I promise. Just please, don't die, don't leave me." Kuroo sank to the ground.

"Kuroo," kenma got on his knees in front of the again sobbing Kuroo. "Shh, it was just a bad dream. Just a dream, okay? None of it was real. I won't leave you. Never again." He hugged Kuroo and kissed the top of his head. "Never again." He repeated. 

.

"Weren't they just still fighting? Like last night?!"

"Shh. They're sleeping." Bokuto shushed Akaashi and smiled at the tangled mess of limbs spread over his couch. "It's been two months, I'm just happy they seem to have made up."

"Bokuto, do you think it's over? I mean, last night got pretty emotional." Akaashi asked. He couldn't help but still feel worried about the two.

Kuroo grunted in his sleep and changed positions but kept Kenma wrapped in his arms the whole time. He had a constant content look on his face when Kenma was lying on his chest.

"I think they'll be fine now." Bokuto chuckled at his best friend. "I am getting jealous now though. Can we go cuddle too, Akaashi?" He asked with his puppy dog eyes.

"Not now," Akaashi said causing Bokuto to pout. "We should make them breakfast. But we can cuddle later." He kissed Bokuto's nose and made his way to the kitchen, a love-struck owl following closely behind.  
  


"Mm." Kenma stirred awake and looked up at Kuroo's sleeping face. He smiled, pushing away the distant feelings of fear that were leftover from the night before. Kuroo's face was so content. 'He sleeps with a smile' Kenma noted while looking him over. He reached up and softly brushed some hair out of Kuroo's face.

"You're staring." A deep, sleep drenched voice said lightly.

Kenma chuckled and just said, "I'm admiring. There's a difference." With the softest look, Kuroo had possibly ever seen.

"And do you like what you see?" Kuroo asked with a smirk.

"Yeah, I do," Kenma said simply. Kuroo's smirk faded and he blushed making Kenma laugh. "Did you know you smile while you sleep? Or that your hair is really soft?" Kenma brushed his fingers through Kuroo's hair and then rubbed his cheek before settling back down against Kuroo's chest.

"I do now." Kuroo smiled back with the blush still on his face. "I'm really sorry for everything these past few months. I never thought it would get so out of control."

"I know cause I didn't either. We should go home now though. We should really get out of their hair. I can feel Akaashi staring at me." Kenma laughed and sat up making Kuroo whine at the loss of warmth.

"I don't want it to sound like I'm kicking you out," akaashi walked around the corner into the living room. "But you need to leave. Now."

"I'm really sorry, I feel like we've overstayed our welcome."

"You have. Please leave."

"Hey, now babe, that's kinda rude don't ya think?"

"I really don't, Bo. I'm sorry you two, I love you both, but I haven't really had any time alone with my boyfriend for two months. You get it."

Kenma froze and Kuroo laughed nervously.

"Akaashi!" Bokuto's eyes widened. "I'm sorry guys." He apologized.

"No, no. He's right. Anyways, I really put him through it." Kuroo rubbed the back of his head. "I am really forever in your debt, Akaashi. I don't know what I would've done without you."

"Me neither. I was really worried about you, Kuroo. But now you've made up and I'm so proud of you both! Please go to your own homes and talk it through now."

"I-" Kenma tried to say something.

"Kenma, we both need time alone with our boyfriends right now. I'm seriously so happy you've been able to make up, but you shouldn't stay here."

"I know." Kenma chuckled. "Thank you both. For everything."

"Before you leave!" Bokuto rushed over to them with containers in his hands. "I made breakfast! Now go home and talk and eat!"

Kuroo and Kenma looked at each other and smiled. "Thank you, Bokuto," Kenma said.

"We'll enjoy every last bite, Bro." Kuroo teared up.

"Okay, nope. If you two start that, you'll never leave." Akaashi pushed Kuroo towards the door. "Get home safe, enjoy the food, make sure you talk things through. Goodbye." He waved when the two were outside and then closed the door with a threatening smile telling them to not come back today, tomorrow, or even the next day.

"What did you do to him?" Kenma asked while laughing after the door was shut in their faces.

"Let's just say," kuroo slung his arm around Kenma's shoulders. "We need to make it up to them, big time." He said as they walked home. 

After laughing about their friends they walked to Kuroo's house in comfortable silence.

-

**_ February _ **

"Kuroo, Kuroo, Kuroo, Kuroo." 

"Oh my god!" Kuroo sat up quickly and looked around the room wildly. "Kenma?!" 

"Hey, are you okay?" Kenma moved from the spot he was just in poking Kuroo awake and sat beside him on his bed. 

"Oh," Kuroo chuckled and calmed down his breathing. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just um, remembering my nightmare from last month is all."

"I'm sorry for making you remember that." Kenma rubbed Kuroo's knuckles softly. 

"No, it's fine. What's wrong anyway? Why did you wake me up like that?" 

"Well, it is kind of Monday and you were sleeping in my bed. Figured you'd wanna go home and change for school." Kenma told him. 

"Oh." Kuroo laughed. "Yeah, I should do that." He looked out the window and frowned. "Did you even freaking sleep?"

"Whhaatt?" Kenma chuckled nervously. "Totally." He lied through his teeth. 

"Mhm," Kuroo narrowed his eyes. "I don't wanna hear it when you're tired during practice later." He got of Kenma's bed and pulled said male up with him. "I will, however, cuddle with you tonight to make sure you can fall asleep." He wrapped his arms around Kenma and rested his chin on the top of Kenma's head. 

"That sounds great. But first, we have to get through the day. And if I remember correctly, our teammates wanted to talk to us."

Kuroo sighed and let go of Kenma with a pout. "Shit." He muttered. "I forgot about that."

"I figured you did." Kenma laughed at his pout. 

"They're gonna yell at me."

"You don't know that," Kenma said as he started to push Kuroo out of his room. 

"They told me that if I ever hurt you, their precious setter, I'd regret it." Kuroo frowned as he let himself be pushed. "They're going to yell at me." He said again.

"Fine, they probably will." Kenma shrugged. "But hey, they may yell at me too."

"Nah, you're the favorite. They wouldn't even dream of yelling at you." Kuroo opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. "Hey! Wait a second! So you also think they'll yell at me!?" He spun around only to see Kenma shutting his door with a sly smile. 

"See you later, Kuroo." is what he heard coming from the other side of the door. 

"Yeah, Yeah. See ya later." He chuckled and made his way out of the Kozume house and to his own. 

-

"So," Tora sat Kuroo down when they all entered the gym for practice that afternoon. "You thought you could get away with hurting our precious setter?"

Kuroo gave Kenma a look that said, "I told you so." and Kenma just laughed, quickly covering his mouth so no one would hear him. 

"Yamamoto, let me explain." Kuroo tried to say only to be interrupted by Kenma who was unable to contain his laughter any longer. "KenKen?" Kuroo looked at him with a raised eyebrow. 

"I-I'm sorry guys. I tried, but he seriously thinks he's getting in trouble a month later." Kenma just laughed more which made the rest of the team laugh too.

"Um, am I fucking missing something?" Kuroo crossed his arms. 

"Hahaha Kuroo, you should've seen your face!" Yaku strolled to the front of the group. "Why would you be in trouble a month after it happened? That makes no sense. Some of us are slow," He glanced at Lev with a smirk, "but not all of us are that slow." Yaku laughed. "Here, this is really what this is about." He handed Kuroo an envelope. "It's from all of us."

"Is this, money?!" Kuroo said in disbelief when he opened the envelope. 

"It's not money for you though!" Tora told him. 

"Kenma told us you were going to buy tickets to Kyoto as a gift for Bokuto and Akaashi from Fukurodani. Well, we all feel really bad we dumped you two onto them, so we all put some money together to help buy the tickets for them." Yaku clarified. 

"Oh my god, they're gonna love this." Kuroo smiled wide. "They're seriously gonna love this."

-

"Hey, you, go home already." Kenma poked Kuroo's cheek. 

"You're kicking me out?!" Kuroo feigned hurt. 

"Yes, I am." Kenma shrugged which just earned a genuine hurt expression from Kuroo. "I heard there's a surprise for you at your house. That's all."

"A surprise?" 

"Yes, so go home. Now," 

"Fine, fine. I'm going. But can you give me any hints?"

"Let's just say, you're going somewhere next month you were hoping for."

"No way. No way! KenKen! Did I get into university?!" Kenma just nodded with a smile. "No way!!!" He scooped Kenma up into his arms and spun him around. "Wait," He said suddenly. "Why do you know this and I don't?" 

"Your sister texted me and said you should go home, she told me why so I had a reason to let you go." Kenma brushed his nose over Kuroo's who still had him in his arms. "I'm so proud of you." He kissed his nose. 

"I can't believe this.." Kuroo let go of Kenma and was almost in a kind of daze. 

"Now go home, you nerd. Your sister really wants to celebrate with you!" Kenma shoved him out of his room. "I'll help you pack next month."

"Okay! I love you!" Kuroo gave Kenma one last hug and then left to go home. 

-

** _March_ **

"It um, it's been a while since I was here with you, hasn't it?" Kenma said awkwardly when he walked into Kuroo's room.

"Oh, yeah..." kuroo thought back to two months ago. The last time Kenma was in his room was the night he broke up with him.

"I didn't even think about it, I just walked with you here out of reflex," Kenma muttered.

"Hey, I'm graduating soon. I'm gonna be leaving this house, this room. Let's remember the happy moments here instead of the bad ones, okay?" Kuroo smiled softly. "I only want to remember the happy times with you right now."

"You're not leaving yet, don't get all sentimental on me now." Kenma sat on Kuroo's bed. "But okay, I can do that."

"Thanks, KenKen." Kuroo lied down behind him.

"We went through a lot these last few months." Kenma relaxed and lied down on Kuroo. "I can't believe you're not gonna be here after this month."

"Hey now, who is it that just told me not to get all sentimental?"

"Sorry." Kenma closed his eyes. He was like that for a bit when he suddenly felt Kuroo sit up and snuggle Kenma into his chest.

"Why are you crying, Kitten?" He asked and wiped away Kenma's tears.

"I, I don't actually know," Kenma said, his voice breathy. "I should be happy for you right now. I should be happy, why aren't I?"

"It's okay to be upset that I'm leaving. We just made up, you think me leaving you is something I wanna do right now?" Kuroo tightened his embrace. "But I have to."

"We had too much time apart. I wanted to make up for that, but I ran out of time to do it. It's all my fault that we lost so much time together." Kenma started to cry more.

"Hey, hey, calm down a bit, love."

"Oh my god, I'm sorry Kuroo. My anxiety on top of yours right now is not something you should be dealing with." Kenma pushed back his hurt and wiped his eyes. "Sorry."

"No way!" Kuroo, in one fluid movement, turned Kenma to face him on the bed. "This is what I did. This is what we fought about, what we broke up over. Please don't start doing it now too."

"I'm not-"

"Yes you are, Kenma. You wanna know what I learned from my time bugging Akaashi? I learned that we both have different feelings and different ways of dealing with them and that that is okay! Our problem has always been communication, right? Let's fix that here and now."

"I just," kenma started. "What am I going to do when you're gone? I've always relied on you. I love you so much Kuroo, so much that it hurts, my heart feels like it's going to burst sometimes because of how much I love you, but you need to leave. I can't hold you back."

"You could never hold me back, Kenma. Never. And if there's anything you should've learned from our fight, it's that you can do stuff by yourself. You were able to go about your life without needing me by your side. You'll be okay without me. And we will be okay if you're worried about that at all." Kuroo brushed a few strands of hair behind Kenma's ear and smiled. "We're together again, everything will be okay now."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise. I fucking promise so much!" Kenma laughed. "Good, that's the sound I want to hear." Kuroo leaned his forehead against Kenma's. "I love you."

"I love you too, you jerk." Kenma leaned up a bit and kissed Kuroo on the lips making him blush.

Kuroo cleared his throat and laughed a bit as he leaned back. "Um, haha, with that out of the way, how about you help me pack some? My parents will kill me if I just spend today doing nothing." His blush remained on his face and Kenma kissing his nose only made it worse.

"Fine, I'll help you. Only because I know you'll forget something if I let you do it yourself." Kenma stood up and held out his hand which Kuroo quickly grabbed. "You're never getting rid of me again ya know."

"I know." Kuroo closed his eyes and smiled widely. 

-

"Akaashi," Kuroo whispered and tapped Akaashi's shoulder.

"Is everything okay?! Are you and Kenma all good?!" Akaashi jolted awake and looked around wildly.

"We're okay!" Kuroo calmed him down. "Wow, we really did a number on you, huh?"

"What do you mean?" Akaashi asked when he was settled down.

"I _conditioned_ you, oh my god I'm so sorry."

"It's fine, it's fine. I just never expected to be woken up by you ever again." Akaashi sighed. "Anyway, what's wrong? Why are you here waking me up? Where's Bokuto?"

"Well, Kenma is with him right now."

"Are you sure everything is okay?" Akaashi narrowed his eyes at Kuroo, he was skeptical, to say the least.

"I promise everything is fine." Kuroo laughed. "I have a gift for you is all."

"A gift?"

"Yeah. A thank you gift to be precise."

"For what?"

"For everything you did for us back in December all the way through to February. We probably wouldn't have gotten through it without you and Bokuto."

"Mm, probably not."

"Haha you really are done with me aren't you?" Kuroo laughed.

"Oh! No! That's not what I meant. I'm still waking up." Akaashi looked away. "Sorry."

"No, no, it's fine. I'd be done with me too if I were you."

"I promise I'm not."

"Don't worry about it. Anyways, here. Your gift." Kuroo held out an envelope and smiled. "You really deserve this after such a shitty year. And with Bo and I graduating soon, I figured you guys could use some alone time."

Akaashi quickly opened the envelope and almost cried when he saw what it was. "A trip." He laughed in disbelief. "I was joking when I told him we should go on a trip after everything. Now it's actually happening." He looked at Kuroo. "This is perfect."

"It is? Really?? I was worried you wouldn't like it but Kenma said you would so I thought why not and-"

Akaashi cut him off with a hug. "You have no idea just how perfect this is." He assured him.

"Thank god." Kuroo let out a sigh of relief.

"Akaashi! Akaashi! We're going on a trip!!" Bokuto ran into his room and waved around his own envelope wildly, Kenma following behind him closely with a small smile on his face.

"You guys didn't need to do this," Akaashi said. "We would've figured something out before he graduated." He pet the overexcited owl who was now attached to him.

We've been saving up to buy these for you guys since you kicked us out of the house the day we made up." Kuroo chuckled.

"Since then?!"

"Yeah, we felt really bad for making you overexert yourself so we started saving up right away to pay for a trip to Kyoto," Kenma said with a smile

"We even had our team pitch in and help. They also felt bad cause they couldn't help you guys much so it didn't take too much convincing." Kuroo added.

"You guys are the best friends ever!" Bokuto cried from his spot next to Akaashi, still not letting go of him.

"This is seriously too much and-"

"It's not enough!" Kuroo interrupted him. "If we could do more we would but this is all we could think of. And we'll leave you both alone for a while."

"Yeah, the least we can do is give you some time alone with each other. We both need that alone time with our boyfriends, right?" Kenma said alluding back to what Akaashi told him that day.

"Yeah, that's right." Akaashi laughed.

"Let's go pack!" Bokuto sprang up and ran to his drawers and closet.

"Id have to go home for that, Bo."

"Ugh, that's no good anymore."

"What's no good?" Akaashi cocked his head to the side.

"You having to leave."

"Bokuto, what?" Akaashi laughed.

"Stop leaving."

"I can't do that. I don't live here."

"Move in with me then!"

Akaashi choked and his eyes got huge. "What?!"

"I love you, my parents love you, so move in!"

"Bokuto that's-"

"A discussion we shouldn't be here for," Kuroo said suddenly. "We'll head out by ourselves now." He grabbed Kenma's hand and dragged him. "Good luck with that man!" He waved at Akaashi whose mouth was hanging open.

"Uh, good luck Akaashi? And have fun." Kenma waved, slightly uncomfortable with what just occurred.

"BOKUTO!" is all Kenma and Kuroo heard as they ran out of the house, laughing the whole way.

"They're ridiculous!" Kuroo said in disbelief.

"Does he realize Akaashi does still live with his own parents?" Kenma laughed.

"Who even knows what he realizes and what he doesn't." 

.

.

Oh my god Kuroo, how can I leave you here when you haven't even hung up your clothes?!"

"Kenma, my love, _you_ never hang up your clothes." Kuroo laughed.

"Well, how can I leave you here when you haven't even made your bed?!"

"Kenma," kuroo just continued to laugh.

"Shut it! Making your bed is important and I want to make sure you have enough pillows."

"That's odd."

"What is?"

"I thought my mother left already." Kuroo wheezed when Kenma puffed out his cheeks and turned away.

"You rude ass bitch."

"Such language." He teased.

"Okay, how about your roommate? I can't leave without meeting them first. If you're going to be living with someone for years, they're going to need to know me."

"Wait, you seriously can't tell who my roommate is based on his side of the room?"

"No?" Kenma looked around and then saw it. "No way." He picked up the owl plushie.

"Yes, way." Kuroo laughed again.

"How did you even manage that?!"

"I have my ways~"

"Oh please don't harass Akaashi, cause you know he's gonna be over all the time."

"I already learned my lesson there." Kuroo held up his hands. "But you can't be harassing Bokuto all the time either."

"I also learned my lesson there."

The two stood in silence for a moment and just looked everywhere but at each other.

"Kenma, let's not do this."

"Do what?"

"Act like we're never gonna see each other again."

"I'm just, I don't want to leave you here. I don't want to go home alone."

"Come here." Kuroo held out his hand.

"Fine." Kenma grabbed his hand and was quickly pulled into a tight hug.

"I love you so much, Kitten."

"I love you too."

"We never had a problem being a year apart, but we've now reached the point where the problems begin. Let's not let them."

"How?"

"Well, for one, we just have to get through this year. Then you'll graduate high school and we can room together here because of the soulmate/roommate deal. And then we'll be with Bokuto and Akaashi."

"But that's next year, Kuroo. This year is the problem."

"Enjoy volleyball, hang out with Tora and Fukunaga, hang out with Hinata, take care of the new first years, and play nice with Lev."

"No, you cannot expect me to do-"

"I can and I am. Don't hate on him too much this year." Kenma just pouted. "And most of all," kuroo leaned in close to Kenma's face. "Visit me as much as you can." He whispered, making Kenma blush. But before he could do anything, Kuroo pulled away.

"Ugh," kenma crossed his arms. "Just, go do something else. I'll make your bed and then leave."

"You're still on that?!"

"Yes! Now go away for a few minutes." Kenma shooed him away and then smiled to himself, setting about making his bed. "Just a little gift for when he's lonely." He finished the bed with a little extra touch and then left the room.

-

"You have to leave now, don't you?" Kuroo asked when Kenma met up with him outside.

"...yeah, I do.." he said sadly.

Kuroo kissed him deeply and with no hesitation, catching Kenma off guard.

"Ah what did I tell you about pda?!" Kenma whisper yelled when they separated.

"Hm, your tone says you're pissed but your blush says you're happy. I'm getting mixed signals here, Love."

"Ok, I'm leaving!"

"Haha, I love you!"

"Love you too." Kenma huffed.

"Aww, you can do better than that."

"Fine," Kenma stood on his tiptoes and kissed Kuroo. When he stepped back he was blushing heavily and was looking away. "I love you too you jerk."

"And Kenma,"

"Yeah?"

"Let's make sure neither of us hides our feelings now that we're apart."

"Of course not."

Kuroo just smiled, happy he finally talked about this stuff with the love of his life.

"Call me all the time."

"What? Are you gonna be lonely?" Kenma teased.

"Not as much as you."

"I am not."

"Are too."

"Am not.

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"... are too."

"Ugh! You're insufferable!"

"Such big words!" Kuroo chuckled. "Be safe getting home!"

"I will be. I love you."

"I love you too."

And with that, Kenma walked away leaving Kuroo at the University. It felt odd to leave his soulmate behind, but he had practice by this point. Kenma was going to be okay, he knew that, he just had to get used to it first.  
  


"Aahh." Kuroo sighed as he lied down on his bed that Kenma made. "Mm, it smells like him." He smiled and grabbed his pillows to make his weird head cocoon thing that caused his bedhead. "Wait," he opened his eyes. "It _really_ smells like Kenma." He reached under his last pillow and felt paper. "What the." He pulled it out and quickly found himself tearing up. "Oh my god, I don't deserve him at all."  
  


_"Hey, Nerd. So umm, I’m not really too good at this kind of thing but I know that you are and that you really like this kind of thing so I figured I’d try...for you...because I love you. God, I really do. I love you so much. And I hope to show you just how much I do every single day for the rest of our lives. I know that we’ll have little spats here and there, mostly because you’re pretty annoying (that was a joke, I promise) but I know that we’ll make it through anything. The highs, the lows, the weird in-between levels, you name it. I don’t exactly know what the future holds, but I do know that with you I feel like I’ve powered up like I can beat the final boss and conquer the game known as life. I’m sorry, that was kinda cheesy. But it’s true. Also, I don’t know why I’m even apologizing, you’re literally the cheesiest person I know, and I love you so much for it. Kuroo, I want you to know that I have so much love, respect, and admiration for you. All this time, since we were kids, you’ve been looking out for me and my feelings and I hate that I didn’t completely understand that until recently but I do now. I hate what we had to go through but I feel like it’s only made us stronger. Our relationship had plateaued but we conquered our fears and jumped over the edge and the sight on the other side is so beautiful because you’re there with me. I know that I haven’t always been the best at sharing my emotions with you. Up until recently, I’ve only inflicted them on you and didn’t even think about how sharing them would help not just me, but you as well. From now on, Kuroo Tetsuro, my emotions are yours and your emotions are mine, the way that it should be. And I can’t promise that everything will immediately change, but I’m trying and I know that you are too. You’re my hero. Like actually. (Go ahead, try to tell anyone that I said that and see if they believe you). I want to be a good man for you. I’m going to be a good man for you. I want to show you affection when you need it because I know that you respect my boundaries when I need it. I want to send back the gross strawberry milkshake when I asked for a chocolate (just a heads up, this one may take some time), and I want to grow old with you until you eventually throw your hip out playing volleyball and I have to put you in a nursing home. I want to just be, and be content being, as long as I’m being it with you. Alright, this has been a lot of writing and honestly, my hand is starting to cramp up so I’m gonna finish this up. Who knew I could have so much to say, right? Geez, you must finally be rubbing off on me. Take it back...just kidding...for the most part. Kuroo, I love you, and I’m going to show you that unconditionally. I know that I’m kind of stealing your line here, but you could never hurt me. I mean it. Anyway, try not to blubber like a baby when you read this. Also don’t lie to me and say you didn’t, because I’ll know. Literally. Thanks for being my player 2 and thanks for being you._   
_With all of my love and all of my heart,_   
_Kenma."_


End file.
